art=life

having it all

2011-11-04T20:11:00.004-04:00

Fact: Life has been busy.

As it will always seem to be during the school year and more acutely felt as we get closer to the holiday season. I've been feeling very overwhelmed with wanting to do a good job with my maternity leave position and potentially garnering another one. I want to get my finances in order and put more into savings, pay off debt, etc. I want to spend quality time with my family. I want to be alone and make art. I want my house to not always look like a tornado hit it. I am pulled into so many directions that I'm noticing more and more that I've been a complete grump to be around. Or worse. The "N" word has been mentioned before. "Why can't you just be a chill wife?"

This issue has been on my mind a lot recently. It's like a dark cloud of resentment and jealousy that follows me around. It clouds my view of my husband, who works very hard and does a wonderful job being with Ellie in the mornings and for bedtime most evenings. All I can see is how unfair the circumstances are. Me always picking up, organizing the next day's meals, worrying about the next day's lessons, passing out cold by 9:30 pm. No time for reading a book, sketching, a day trip to the city alone, sex even. I fully understand why my mother frowns in her sleep, and I've noticed horizontal creases in my forehead in the morning, my jaw stiff and clenched. It is my destiny.

Why is it easier for him to take time off, spend a whole day doing something he loves? Is it simply he has no guilt, no worry about meals or groceries or laundry and when to pick up Ellie from the sitter? Why should I fight so much to have 2 hours a week to myself and then fritter that time away by being angry at myself for not being able to fully enjoy it? Why does there have to still be that double standard? I want to be supportive of A and his work and his time spent working and his time spent taking care of Ellie. I want him to have that time to himself too. I know that is important to him. But why does it seem harder for me to get that time? Why am I not fighting harder to get it? Why isn't he more supportive of my time, my work outside and inside the house? Am I just imagining it all?!

Nobody ever said being a feminist was easy. Let alone a feminist mother.

Bah humbug.

Speaking of which, damn you, Target and your Christmas displays up on Halloween. One frigging holiday at a time!

Summer's End

2011-09-25T12:25:00.004-04:00

So it would seem, after a few months, that I suddenly remember that I have a blog. And that I haven't updated or posted said blog in a while. I think to myself, "What can I write about? Isn't it enough to just have pictures of an adorable (and extremely vocal) toddler? What? No, you say?! Fine then, I'll talk about my boring self, whoever that may be." Most of the time I'm prompted to post because I just emptied pictures from the camera to the computer and I need some place to put them and gloat.

We had a lovely unruly summer. We let our hair grow wild. We visited swimming holes on a daily basis. We ate a lot of strawberries and Goldfish. Not to mention sun gold tomatoes from the garden, which covered our chins with seeds. We got brown and displayed awesome flip flop tan lines. We (us grownups) worried about money (as usual) and jobs (as usual) but we did our best to enjoy each other.

Now it is fall and I get excited to put on sweaters! Leggings! The slow cooker has been dragged from the depths of the cabinets and put to use on a pot roast and soon, a roast chicken. And best so far, is the job I garnered last minute. (Though not the waking at 5:20 am. How soon we forget those early risings!) I'm covering a maternity leave position until January teaching HS Photography and Media Arts. It has been overwhelming, exhausting but extremely exciting, planning lessons, being in a classroom consistently and teaching art no less! Blessedly, there is also the paychecks, that while starting meager, will gain and make my financial woes decidedly smaller for the time being. It's the best one can ask for it this economy.

We did not get swept away in the vast floods of our area, but we've observed our neighborly farms and communities struggle to pick up and begin again after all that rushing water subsided. A few weeks of driving detours and small weekly farm shares have been the most of our inconveniences, but many were not so lucky. Our CSA was one of the few to not completely lose their crops, though it looks like our fall harvest might be kaput. Most farms in the area lost everything. Water stood standing in the fields for days meaning crops were left to rot, not to mention the crucial top soil that was initially washed away. There were pumpkins floating down the Rondout for hours the day of the storm. Fall harvests will be pretty meager which also means it'll be a tough winter. Lesson learned: Never mess with Mother Nature.

Check here for events coming up to aid those farms and growers in need.

Here is also Brook Farm Project's fundraiser.

A Treatise on Traveling with Toddler

2011-07-13T12:18:00.008-04:00

Our private beach

Yes, folks, we went on a family vacation trip. Finally. I realized I haven't been away on vacation since before Elinor was born. We contemplated Maine and camping, but realized that the drive alone would've been the end of us, never mind sharing a 2 person tent with a snoring, tossing child who has a tendency to wake up with a loaded diaper. That sort of trip may be a few years down the road instead. But I really had my heart set on the beach though, so we settled on Cape Cod. We found a place in North Truro (far up the Cape, basically the wrist) with a kitchen so we could make breakfast and lunch and save a bit of money. It was beautifully set right on the bay with a view of Provincetown. The tide came in right to the steps of the private beach. Perfect and relaxing. Even Andrew had to admit to this.

Nudist beach?

We saw seals here.

Ellie had a taste of the bayside beach and then the next day, the ocean beach. The happy fish in the water of last summer seems to have disappeared as she clung to our necks, screaming bloody murder as we waded into the water. It was pretty cold though so that might have something to do with it...

Hehe, hey Ma, how come you and Daddy are turning red?

Gosh, this sand is EVERYWHERE!

Sand occupied us for a time as did throwing rocks into the water. We saw seals, sailboats, seashells, and a Sienese inspired monument. My roommate from Siena flew out for the day from Boston to visit. It was such a treat and so nice to fall back into our usual banter despite 9 years. We met her again in Boston to visit the Aquarium there. Ellie was fascinated with the main tank full of tropical fish, sting rays, sea turtles and sharks. We adults were too.

Hold on, Dada so Tower baby can't fall off tower!

Summer has been quiet so far, but moving quickly. I've been trying to adjust Ellie to a more relaxed and later bedtime routine in the hopes of getting her to sleep in a bit more. Somedays it works. I feel like I shouldn't advertise it much but since traveling with Elinor and being home with her more, I can't help but admire how easy going she is. Sure, there are those days where nothing seems to entertain her for more than 5 minutes or she'll eat nothing but blueberries or strawberries. I'm amazed at her ability to be excited by anything, seeing it for the first time or not. Her joy knows no limits. Just watching her observe her world is captivating and inspiring. She is so open and friendly, waves at people now unprompted, sometimes even blows kisses. Half our time spent at the playground is watching the other kids play while perched halfway up the ladder.

I love, love, love, love strawberries! Yum! Hey wait! Where did they all go?!

Having a toddler gives you reason to remember what you loved to do when you were a child. It gives you reason to take delight in your senses, your body, in life.

Haiku for mothers (day)

2011-05-09T20:23:00.005-04:00

curled in the darkness

my pulse as a lullaby

little room, first home

----

your eyes and mine meet

gentle tugging at my heart

your breath at my breast

----

your hand reaches out

i take hold. steady, baby

you step, i let go

----

30 is the new black.

2011-04-17T20:42:00.003-04:00

Yesterday would've been my grandmother's birthday. She would've been 77. I named her "Lala" when I was little. I was the first grandchild and she was 47 when I was born. Obviously "Grandma" didn't seem to fit her. My own mother had the same issues with being potentially called "grandma". Each of them certainly don't fit the old lady baking cookies and darning socks in the corner image. She said that if I called her "Grandmother Rosemary" I'd forget what I wanted to tell her in the first place because her name was so long. Lala used to sing to me, just nonsensical melodies..."la la la la". I picked her face out of a picture and called her "Lala" and it stuck.

In Savannah GA for my 18th birthday and Lala's 65th birthday

We were birthday buddies with our birthdays within days of each other. True Aries women. I loved going through her makeup and jewelry box. She was always so put together. She had shoes to match every outfit and a drawer full of purses and clutches. She loved to shop. I still to this day make my way first to the back of stores to the discount rack like she did, looking for a good deal. I have come to love wandering fabric stores and gaze at dish sets. The knitting gene skipped my mom and has wholeheartedly invested in me. She loved Hershey's Kisses. I still have a dress she made for me when I was 14. She is still such a vivid force in my life.

This birthday is obviously a milestone. Normally birthday are just a fun excuse to indulge myself. "Age is just a number" so they say, and I believe this. Until this year. And it didn't really start to sink in until about a week ago. Like wow. I'm talking about really mulling over the big stuff. Mortality. What is my life's purpose? Am I living an authentic life? A seemingly spiritual upheaval. Up to this point I believed I'd have my life figured out by 30 and it would appear that I do. But do I? I feel more like I'm pretending to be an adult, and sometimes even not doing that well. Maybe that's what growing up is like. A series of realizations that reconfigure your relationship to the past and the future, realigning your priorities.

Tomorrow will probably be like most Mondays. A day spent with Elinor, hopefully a walk outside if it's nice. A nice dinner with Andrew at a favorite restaurant. Simple. It's not about me anymore but about everyone in my life. You make me who am I, you are my gifts.

Charitable events and free print giveaway!

2011-03-28T12:38:00.007-04:00

I'm sure over the past two weeks you've been aware of the horrific events in Japan between the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear reactor. Likewise, the events in Africa and the Middle East are hard to ignore for all the constant push and pull of forces. Like many I didn't just want to stand back and be just an observer.

I opened up petiteami again for the purpose of raising money for Doctors without Borders. This organization "provides aid in nearly 60 countries to people whose survival is threatened by violence, neglect, or catastrophe, primarily due to armed conflict, epidemics, malnutrition, exclusion from heath care, or natural disasters....[DWB] provides independent, impartial assistance to those most in need."

Therefore for the month of April (birthday month!) 50% of the sales from the shop will be donated to this cause.

In addition, I'd like to give away a 8x 10" print from the shop-your choice! First, "like" us over on Facebook, if you haven't already. Next, leave a comment about how you celebrated or plan on celebrating your 30th birthday. (Don't forget to leave your email address so I can get in touch with you)! I'll close the comments on Monday, April 18th @ midnight EST and consult the random number generator. Good luck!

This is what a Feminist Mother looks like.

2011-03-08T20:18:00.004-05:00

In honor of International Women's Day, I found these questions via bluemilk. Thought it would be some food for thought.

How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?

It's a bit cliched but the saying "the personal is political" has always rung true for me. I've considered myself a feminist since I was 15 or 16. I never truly thought about the context of feminism within mothering until I was pregnant. Or when I did it was a pretty idealized, all encompassing Earth Mother. It only is in very rare moments.

What has surprised you most about motherhood?

How epic it is, how simple, how complicated, how overwhelming it is. It forces me to put a halt in the constant "me-me-me" thoughts, even if just for a little. I'm still routinely walloped over how much I love this little person.

How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism?

I feel only a year into being a mother has only shown me that my feminism must evolve if I am to stay a feminist mother. I'm in a constant battle in my head over theoretical arguments and practical applications. If anything it confirms or challenges my beliefs on a day to day basis. It informs my decisions because I'll see it also in a larger context.

What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting?

I believe my mothering is feminist because I choose to listen to my instinct and to what Elinor needs, as opposed to all the advice books and websites. I'll admit to looking and reading a fair bit but I always end up back to my original plan which I came upon on my own. In the beginning of Elinor's life, I was adamant about not putting her in pink, keeping her clothes as colorful but as gender neutral as possible. I want to encourage the development of her as a person first.

I feel like non-feminist mothers are concerned more about appearances, both the child's and their own as a mother who is in control and falls into that 50's ideal. I'll admit to sometimes feeling caught up in a bit of mommy competition. That's the worst part. Since having a baby, I want to reach out to anyone I know having a baby because it really does matter having other people around who know what you're going through and won't judge you.

Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother?

I have my personal issues to work out, my moods, my thinking pattern rut that ends up clouding anything and everything. I think, "I don't want Elinor to know this" because I know her very observation of the way I react to things will affect her ability to cope, just as mine did of my mother. I get caught up in a very helpless position that is counter to any feminist. I want to be a strong capable female figure for my daughter and for any future child of mine, male or female. If I don't have the tools to help myself, how can possibly teach them to take care of themselves?

Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why?

I'm not afraid of identifying myself as a feminist mother. (I wouldn't be answering these questions, if I didn't think so). I think it's still a volatile environment for feminists and mothers. For many people, "feminist" is a bad word. Even certain celebrities, role models who follow a feminist mindset are wary to identify themselves as such. Never mind that being a mother is still this Madonna/whore, good/bad, supermom/welfare queen argument. I think the problem stems more from the fact that male roles have not evolved to the extent that female roles have. Women can be mothers, CEOs, politicians, and astronauts, but men still feel and act upon a huge obligation to "provide" for the family. A stay at home dad is still viewed in mainstream society as emasculated. It's the very act of child rearing, domestic management that remains undervalued, no matter who does the brunt of the work.

Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist?

The trouble is I haven't really reconciled this. I still gripe about how my body has been altered, how I'll resent sometimes that I am usually the go-to comforter, the bedtime/naptime soother because of the sheer convenience of boobs. We'll argue about the reality-him: a steady full-time job=less time, me: a flexible part-time job=more time, but I can't help but feel that the larger load of responsibilities would always go to me even if I did have a full time job.

Because that sacrifice has included so far my time to paint and create (what makes me feel connected and whole). Maybe that's not really feminism, but it is akin to forsaking what makes you a person in the first place. Why can't mothers be people too? Why are we so often just mothers? And why is that not good enough?

If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner?

This is kind of a touchy subject. Though I know that my partner is ultimately incredibly supportive in his efforts, he has a way of making me feel that everything I ever learned about feminism is a lost cause. There are times where I think, how did I, one class shy of a women's studies minor, ever marry someone like this? But this is good because I might otherwise take for granted my feminist ways. He keeps me fighting the good fight.

If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?

I didn't really realize we were practicing attachment parenting until Elinor was a few weeks old. I realized that all the things we did: co-sleeping, baby wearing, breast feeding on demand, were just naturally adapted into our lifestyle. I've enjoyed attachment parenting for the most part. I live in an area where it feels like attachment parenting is the norm which is great, there's lots of support. I don't feel like a freak when I talk about co-sleeping issues.

However, there is the feeling sometimes around here of being an all or nothing attachment parent. I think I struggled a lot with co-sleeping or breastfeeding because I so wanted to commit to it even when it wasn't easy. I had to prove (to really no one but myself) that I could hack this, and there was a lot of self-imposed guilt when I didn't pump enough or when I really wanted Elinor to finally sleep in her own room. Attachment parenting felt like feminism sometimes, and sometimes it just felt like way more work than other moms I knew were putting in.
It's still a work in progress.

Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers?

I don't think feminism has failed mothers. Rather it has saved many and given them voices. We wouldn't have the home birth movement, breast feeding initiatives, post partum depression support networks, and health care reform to name a few. It think feminism is still pretty active in society and most just don't recognize it as such. I haven't given up on it!

Late Winter, Early Spring

2011-02-20T11:41:00.004-05:00

Even after this rough winter of snowstorm after snowstorm, I still enjoy winter. I'm wondering if it is my favorite season right now, but then I always fall in love with whatever season it is now. Each has their own charms, I guess. We've had quite a few snowdays in January, so much so that I've barely been subbing as a result. Just when I was starting to bounce back from Christmas....

We've enjoyed a few winter hikes this season but unfortunately, like her mother, Elli can't stand to be cold. It's not easy being carried everywhere, can't work up a heat like I do, puffing up hills with her on my back! Besides she boycotts wearing her hat and mittens (that Mama knit for her, the nerve)! Most hikes have been short-ish, but no less magical. Every time we go for a hike around here, Split Rock, Stonykill Falls, Bonticou, Duck Pond, Minnewaska, we are always reminded of what a beautiful place we live in. It makes me feel so satisfied to have chosen this area to settle and raise a family.

However as we speak, things are beginning to thaw. I can see my yard. The pile of snow by the mailbox is no longer taller than the mailbox. The sun feels stronger on my cheeks. On Valentine's Day, we went for a family hike and the breezes felt warm. I do believe Spring is on the way.....

Happy Birthday to my Magnum Opus

2011-02-08T20:59:00.005-05:00

I still can't get over that I get to wake up to you everyday, beautiful girl.

Getting to know you is one of the happiest things to ever happen to me.

I think about the day you were born almost everyday. A year ago today I was making a batch of lasagna, half to eat, half to freeze. I was achy and tired, even though I only subbed a half day. I remember sitting reading a parenting book while Andrew played video games. I had contractions here and there. I timed them secretly (Andrew clueless) but they weren't making much sense. Just for show I thought. He gave me a backrub and I went to bed early. I had a whole week of subbing for HS art ahead of me. But you had other plans later that night....

I still remember your warm, slippery body and your angry cries. And then the waiting for you, the aching to have you near me.

Each day you grow more playful, communicative, funny, smart. I've enjoyed each moment with you and look forward to each moment from here on out. It's an honor to be your mama.

my philosophy in life

2011-01-26T19:40:00.001-05:00

via Marvelous Kiddo via Everything Fabulous

The One where I contemplate Life and Death

2011-01-18T20:19:00.004-05:00

It being the new year, I've been mulling over how to make my everyday life more meaningful. Ha! Just writing that makes me sound like I've said the most impossible thing! Maybe I mean more fulfilling or to just see each day with gratitude, no matter what. I want to be more honest and open with myself about how I approach everything, from teaching to washing dishes. Like everyone, I notice how little annoying things can eat up my thoughtspace or how a bad mood can ruin a perfectly good day. I feel like I'm constantly fluctuating betweenenjoying the present moment or thinking ahead to what I'd rather be doing (painting! knitting! eating!) or what I have to do (pick up toys! start dinner! wash dishes!)

I've been flirting with Buddhism since I was 16, since just before I got my Confirmation. I knew then that the Church was not where I, the budding feminist, felt I belonged. I didn't like the rules, the denial of the physical world and earthly pleasures, guilt and sin and the fact that God will always in my mind be a foreboding Man with a white beard telling me what is wrong and right, no matter how hard I try and see it otherwise. I am grateful for my spiritual upbringing because it did instill some sort of wonder in life, the big picture. (Thanks, Ma) Part of me still looks for this and believes in this even if I'm wary of religion. Being married to an atheist can make you a wee bit cynical, especially when times are tough. I've always thought my "religion" was nature. A crisp fall day or the night sky was enough to make me believe that there is good in the world and that everything will be alright. In Buddhism, it seemed that one was truly in charge of their actions. No bigger authority to reckon with. Just you and this life now. This moment now and being the best you can be in each moment. Besides, Buddha also felt more like a real person, like Jesus, just a dude trying to help figure things out.

To be truthful, I'm still a little self-conscious about even talking about Buddhism, or any spirituality. Too attached to the ego.

I propose:

Making a gratitude list everyday, perhaps a haiku about each day's essence.

Getting back into my yoga practice at least 3 times a week and feeling my body more acutely.

Practice meditating at least 3 times a week to work this aversion or fear or anger that sometimes wells within me. To quiet that monkey mind of mine!

What are you promising to yourself this year and how to you plan on keeping them?

Happy Winter!

2010-12-20T11:14:00.003-05:00

I'm thinking of closing up petiteami for a bit. Since Elinor's birth, my time to create has decreased tenfold. The animal alphabet that I started about this time last year has still yet to be completed. I'm about 7 letters away but it's taken me quite awhile just to get the last few done. That being said, I need to also devote myself more to making my own stuff for awhile too. Not much has been sold on the shop this year and I haven't done much to promote it either so it doesn't make much sense to keep it open for now. I do still have plans to return to it in perhaps a few months when maybe I'm more able to balance the momma time and me time.

So......

here's my last attempt at promoting and hopefully clearing things out. Obviously not in time for Christmas, but maybe a nice little gift to yourself? Everything in the shop is 25% off til the end of January. Just use NEWYEAR2K11 during checkout.

In other news..

busy making these

looking forward to this

made a ton of these (in paper, of course)

we actually have a tree, even if it is small and fake!

Enjoy your holiday season!

On Breastfeeding-My love/hate relationship with my boobs

2010-11-06T11:10:00.006-04:00

Here we are rounding up the 9th month of Elinor's "outside" life. It still boggles my mind that she's been outside, now crawling and nearly walking as long as she was inside of me, growing still. She's learned so much in the past few months that she is practically a whole new person from that little 5 lb. peanut that made her appearance in February. I've almost forgotten what a little newborn feels like now that I have this bubbly, roly-poly personality. I have to wrestle her now to change her or dress her. She eats just about anything I put in front of her (as a good growing foodie should)! She is insatiable! And she is still nursing!

I think it's important in this day and age where our culture doesn't fully support or encourage breast feeding to talk about my experiences, good and bad. I read a lot of books, listened to a lot of advice from people I trusted. I got as much information as I could as anyone should when making such a personal decision. You should too.

I always knew that I would breast feed when I found out I was pregnant. It was a non-negotiable issue. Nothing could compare to the nutritional and emotional value that breast feeding gives to not just my baby, but to me as well. I figured I would nurse until she weaned herself, which I silently hoped was no more than a year. My own husband claims to have been nursed till he was two years old. Upon first hearing this, I was a bit appalled. It seemed too long and seemed to explain his "needy" issues. I remembered a Toni Morrison book where one of the characters nursed her son til he was twelve and it was, at the time, a major gross out. Now I routinely hear of mothers nursing til three, four and even five and it only fazes me slightly. I apparently was done with nursing by nine months my mom tells me, too interested in food. With Elli, it's hard to see a close to this relationship we have anytime soon. Part of me is glad for it and part of me wish it would end already.

Ok, more to the story. There are the pluses of nursing-that warm, fuzzy, sleepy feeling you get when snuggled with your babe, looking into each other's eyes, that intense connection that I love every time we nurse. Knowing the nutritional benefits of breast milk outweigh those of any formula. The ease at which one can feed your baby, without the fuss of heating up bottles, buying formula, etc. The part which my husband loves to say-"Just give her the boob!"

Now here is where I start to waver on my lactivism. Because I provide this sustenance for my child, it has made it harder for Andrew to bond with her, at least the first few months. He's had enough trouble grappling with the becoming a father thing so whenever she would cry, he copped it to his inabilities to provide her with the one thing she always wanted: boob. Then there's the issue of when I'm not around, when I've gone back to work: the issue of pumping. Since Elli was born a month early, my relationship to the pump began earlier than even my nursing relationship with Elli. She couldn't nurse right away because of her initial troubles with breathing so to make sure my milk came in and established itself, I didn't get to nurse her right away. My first "nurse" was with the pump. The week she stayed in the hospital I would visit and try and nurse her as much as possible, but the jaundice and the antibiotics made her sleepy so she was more likely to take a bottle (thankfully of my pumped milk). Finally at home we began nursing wholeheartedly. And it hurt! For the first few weeks, I'd cringe when she would latch on, thinking there must be something wrong. I was surprised at how tedious it was, the whole routine. How spaces of 20-40 minutes would eat up my day of just nursing. I would dread sometimes when she would begin crying again for her next feeding, thinking, "Not now, not yet." And then, just like all the books and advice said, after 12 weeks, it was like no big deal. Breast feeding was quite enjoyable.

Now back at work, I have to pump ideally when I would be feeding her, usually at least twice in the day. As a substitute teacher, my schedule is different everyday. One day I could be teaching 2nd grade the next 7th grade science. I never know when I'll have a break or how evenly my breaks will be spaced out. I pump in the bathroom, not always the cleanest spot. It takes me at least 15-20 min to set up, pump, and clean everything up. Often I get about 10 minutes to eat lunch. I seriously don't know how actual teachers do this as this eats into prep time too. I feel hurried and tired and stressed. It's not a break for me. Honestly it feels like a whole lot of pressure to make enough milk to provide for the next day. I haven't got much in the way of a back supply so it always feels like I'm not producing enough. By the time the weekend rolls around and I'm with Elli all the time, I don't want to pump. I'd rather her nurse as often.

As for nursing in public, I thought I would be nervous to do so. I soon became adept at discreet nursing. Always carried a scarf or blanket and wore at least two layers of clothes. Now Andrew jokes at how I'm always pulling my boob out. We can sit and have a lovely dinner out, all three of us. I've never had anyone say anything to me about breastfeeding in public. I think it has more to do with the area we live in but I've been in other places, malls, parks, restaurants and I've never had a problem. Probably oblivious to the stares. It certainly make feeding her easy. Nevermind that it's completely LEGAL.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh right, reflecting on potentially nursing for another year. Yes, there are times when I wish I wasn't so depended on, when I'd like my body back. When I could put away the pump for good. When she would fall asleep without nursing.

But she's only this way for so much longer. I'll miss it soon enough.

Post partum catch up

2010-09-25T11:16:00.003-04:00

So here we are again. Facing another fall, another start of a school year subbing. The past few months (let's say 7 and a half, almost 8) have been jam packed with enough drama, conflict and happiness to last, well, the last few months. I warn you now (as maybe I didn't say enough before)--do NOT, under any circumstances have a baby and buy/move into a house in need of a few repairs simultaneously. That is unless you live for that sort of thrill. Seriously. For. Real. I'm only just starting to come out on the other side and I think I left half my sanity back there. Part of me wants to go back to claim it but maybe it's just better to be happy with the little bit I have now. It works like those lizards' tails that fall off and grow back, right? Right?!

I felt like this summer either crawled by or streaked past me. I went back to subbing the last month of school which was good to get out of the house and not feel like a total financial suck. But then, Elinor turned into a baby, a real baby. One that cooos and talks back and bats her huge doe eyes and starts to learn to roll over and do things other than sleep and eat and poop. So I stayed home for the summer because why miss this?! Hubby seemed set in his day to day schedule of work and working on the house on his days off and maybe climbing or going for a motorcycle ride. I mean, I could do everything else. No problem. I've seen it done before.

Boy o boy-flash forward to my life as a twisted 1950's family sitcom except my pearl necklace is stashed in the back of my underwear drawer and most of the time I wore the same outfit the whole week. The best accomplishments of the day were getting a load of laundry done. Maybe vaccuuming the rug my child was learning to crawl on. I've never hated myself and my husband so much. Truly we were at a major crux in our relationship and one you couldn't easily walk away from.

I will say this. I am grateful for the "mommy meetings" I had once a week which made me feel, if only temporarily, that I wasn't alone in this situation, these feelings. It makes me so much more protective of newer mommies that I know, because I don't want them to feel those same overwhelming feelings. That one really needs a network of support not just when the baby is born or a few weeks after but consistently, on a day to day basis. I felt so good the first few months of Elinor's life because things seemed to be falling in place with the house and our new family. Elinor was a good portable baby and she basically fell into step with me. But this summer kicked my ass in being at home. Elinor's sleeping schedule changed. She got heavier. She learned how to move more. She fussed. I've lost more weight because I couldn't get enough to eat. I'm exhausted and bored and unmotivated. Mothering in this society can be very isolating and I'm already bad at asking for help.

So where are we now? I've identified that I need help in the first place and to not overload my expectations of myself. Since I've gone back to work, things seems easier. I seem slightly happier. There's more of a finite schedule built in. But I can't let this lull me into a false sense of "everything's worked itself out". I know the feelings will come back. I have to be ready this time.

Let's do the Time Warp!

2010-07-07T11:45:00.003-04:00

Apologies for the recent absence. Been living in a baby/house time warp where anything and everything involved in either subject sucks me in completely. You understand.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program...

A is for art...

2010-05-15T16:06:00.004-04:00

Since Elinor's arrival, I have had very little time to paint. It goes without saying. I had planned while I was pregnant to work on a series of paintings for Elinor's room and have them finished before she was born. The idea is the alphabet. And animals. And adjectives. At least mostly positive adjectives and animals I like to paint as well as ones you don't normally see in alphabets. I spent all of my Christmas break doing research and sketching. I had myself on a strict schedule of trying to complete 3 letters a week. Come February 9th, I had 7 letters completed. Since then, I've completed a total of 13 letters. Halfway there...Nevermind that we're not even moved in yet.

Here's a few of my favorites...

the early bird

2010-03-04T12:07:00.004-05:00

So it is March and theoretically I should still be pregnant. Nearly there.

But this is not the case. That is because my little one decided that she should make her entrance a wee earlier than expected.

How unexpected?

Let's just say I had my shower on Sunday, the bags of all the gifts still in piles in my living room, nary a changing table or diaper set up and we were to start childbirth classes that Wednesday. I went to my doctor's on Monday. It was to be my last two week appointment and I would start going every week thereafter. "You're 2 to 3 cm dilated so you could go at anytime or you could be walking around for weeks like this, " she said. Ha!

Let's just say by 1:26 Tuesday morning Elinor Lucy decided that anytime was now. Everything went very quickly and then, there she was. This little peanut, all red and screaming and covered in the dark hair from my dreams. We had a few tense moments because she was a month early, a week and a half from being a full term baby. The first week was surreal since she had been transferred to the NICU. We'd visit and hold her, I would try and feed her but then we would go home and sleep a full night with no baby. It seemed totally wrong to feel rested after just having a baby. Admittedly, this was a bit of a blessing in disguise as it gave us time to set up everything. (Did I mention that we're still waiting also to close on a house?)

Now she is home. She is just 3 weeks old now and already bigger and looks older than the wee one we brought home 2 weeks ago. It is strange to look back at someone who resembles you and your partner but still feels so much like a stranger to you. I'll admit to missing being pregnant, the belly, the movements, the anticipation. I am astounded daily by my body's ability to recover and adapt to this creature once on the inside, now outside and detached from me. It almost feels as if she's not mine, and yet I am totally captivated by her every expression and movement. I felt a tinge of sadness when her umbilical cord fell off-that last vestige of our physical connection.

Every day is learning something new about her, about me, about Andrew, about this new family. It is not easy and it is not always fun or grand or loveable. It can be positively draining and everything they say about the mundane details. My biggest fear is about being lost in this. I feel sometimes like a lesser version of me because for the day my biggest accomplishment was to take a shower or make it to the post office. But this too shall pass. Having her here is still worth it.

explorations

2010-01-14T16:18:00.003-05:00

You are so much bigger than this picture now.

You are running out of room inside.

I know because

your every little movement makes my belly

swell like the ocean.

You are still

a stranger to me

but I know that I am

in love with you already.

March is like a far horizon,

unseen but grows tangibly

with each passing wave.

I fall asleep

every night thinking about

holding you for the first time.

I get weepy

just thinking about it, and I hardly get weepy.

I am bracing

for the landing,

which I guess will be sudden

and sharp

and flip me upside down on the earth,

will take me months to know

the geography of this new life with you.

It is the unknown

and you are sweeping me

closer day by day.

We are just hibernating

in our little worlds, waiting

for spring to flush

the blood into our cheeks.

Things I Should do in December

2009-12-15T19:11:00.004-05:00

~Make these for Christmas.

~Spend less because you have a baby and maybe a house shortly on it's way.

~Make art about winter.

~Bake.

~Get back into running or walking or swimming.

~Figure out colors to paint for new rooms.

~Read more.

~Get to the city to eat gelato and chocolate and cupcakes and see art.

~Enjoy the last few months of personal freedom and elastic waist pants.

november.....

2009-11-23T17:38:00.003-05:00

So yet another month has come and gone and nearly on to the next! Autumn flew by and we're nearly tripping on winter. Needless to say, I haven't been keeping up on my pictures of the passing season nor really on documenting the progressing belly. I'm only just beginning to pop a bit. Enough so that students have begun to notice in the classes I sub. They whisper to each other or call me over to quietly ask if I am indeed pregnant. Few are not as tactful in their observations, so I've had to teach on top of science or reading, the finer points of minding your own business.

Thankfully I've been blessed with a new wardrobe to match my ever increasing size, thanks to good friends who've been there before and have a need to clear out their closets before it happens to them again! We've also been lucky to have friends offer their used baby furniture and gear so many of the major baby necessities are taken care of for now. Still a bit intimitated by baby registries as most of it seems extravagant...worse than bridal registries even! I mean I'd love to have organic burb cloths but $40!? Alternatively I've been wandering around Etsy for all things baby, none of it a true necessity but a lot of cute things I wish I could add to a registry.

We found out the end of October that it's a girl. Andrew and I have been stubborn about our name preferences. I'll make a list of ones I like and he'll turn them all down. He, on the other hand, only comes up with one or two over 2 weeks. We still have til March to figure it out and it may be that she comes along and she just looks like a________.

Speaking of the little one, slowly becoming not so little, she's been moving around a lot. She has a bit of a sweet tooth I think because I've been wanting to eat cookies and ice cream and candy a lot. Halloween was the worst....She gets all hyped up, kicking and squirming after I run too. I've bumped my exercise routine up a bit since I've had much more energy than this summer. I've been trying to run my usual 3-3.5 miles at least twice a week with yoga and/or prenatal exercise videos from the library supplementing the rest of the week's routine. I'll be running the New Paltz's 5K Turkey Trot on Thursday to start the day off right before I gorge myself (in slow shifts of course) on the day's feast. It's usually my job to make the sides for the meal. I'm thinking of making this, and this and whatever else I can think of from the Thanksgiving share from the farm. Dessert will be taken care of via our favorite local baker.

autumn updates..

2009-10-05T13:20:00.004-04:00

Just a quick update...

In preparation for Baby Z, I've already made a winter sweater. I'm also half way done with a drawstring bunting. Andrew is complaining because I have yet to finish his stick shift cozy....Here's Rupert trying the sweater on for size.

I'm rounding up on week 18 and have the miraculous fortune of gaining and then losing 5-6 lbs within a day. My appetite has most definitely kicked in but I'm not sure where it's all going once I've eaten! Some days I have a little bump, others it just looks like nothing's changed. As eating has gotten easier, exercise has gotten harder (though when is it really easy?) Running my usual 3.5 miles used to feel great but now I can hardly keep up with the dogs and baby strollers and everyone else. I feel miserable going out and wasted by the end, which makes it very hard to motivate to keep running. Even yoga had me whipped this week!

Supposedly I should start feeling the baby move at this point or soon anyways, but all I seem to feel is my pulse beating extremely strong throughout me. I thought I might've felt something but I don't really have a definitive sense of what I should even be feeling and where. It still remains an obtuse idea with only slight physical presence in the form of my unending appetite and tiredness. Even the ultrasound pictures on the fridge seem odd. By the end of the month we should find out whether its a boy or girl. I go back and forth on what I feel it is...most times a girl, sometimes a boy. I've had two dreams where it was a boy-huge and with a full head of dark hair. Sometimes I think it's just Andrew's influence.

I've had these ideas running around in my head of writing/illustrating a book. Over the last week I've had a little mantra running in my head, "Almost there, mama bear..." and it seems to have caught on a bit to the imagination. I'll post some sketches once things fill out a bit more.

In other news, fall has arrived to the Hudson Valley. You can tell not only by the colors of the leaves but the miserable traffic filling up New Paltz on the weekend. One has to plan a full 20 mins ahead of schedule to account for waiting to turn on the Main St as traffic is backed all the way to the cliffs!

We've been eating apples like crazy. I get them every Sunday at the farmer's market and this coming weekend family is coming from upstate and the city to partake in "real" apple picking. In a couple of weeks it will be the NY Sheep and Wool festival in Rhinebeck which my knitting club makes a pilgrimage to seek out the best yarn. Already the month seems to be zipping by....

Handmade stuff....

2009-09-07T09:02:00.007-04:00

Lots to cover in this post so I might just give tidbits of some and cover the rest later.

Firstly, to those of you within easy traveling distance of Beacon, please make your way over this Sat, Sept 12th to meet me and my other fabulous Hudson Valley Etsy teamsters as well as the crazy creative folk from the New New Etsy team for the Fall Handmade Cavalcade. It's gonna be a blast. There's about 20 of us from NYC or the HV region, featuring handmade items such as baby clothing, soaps, one of a kind paper goods, toys, jewelry, accessories and art prints.

Beacon is a great town as it's an easy ride on the Metro North from the city. Dia: Beacon is right next to the station and Main St is full of some great contemporary art galleries. We'll be stationed right on the corner of Main St and North Cedar St, about half way down Main St. This fantastic fair is just one day only (Saturday) and runs from 11-7 pm. We've got goodie bags and yummy baked goods from the Groovy Baker too! It's a great way to enjoy the last bit of summer and maybe grab some early Christmas shopping in...or just pick up something special for yourself!!

Secondly, we just got back from our British Isles trip this past week. In a matter of almost 3 weeks, we covered Northern Wales, the Peak and Lake District in England, Glasgow and Isle of Arran in Scotland, Giant's Causeway, Donegal, Galway, Doolin, Killarney National Park, Kilkenny, Wicklow Mountains and Dublin in Ireland...whew! Despite the rain that began in Scotland and did not end til the day before we left, we had a blast taking in the countryside, the accents, the ubiquitous fields of sheep and cows, the impromptu Irish music sessions, the pubs, etc. Oh yeah and a beautiful wedding too! Lots of more pictures to follow...

Lighthouse in Wales

Sheep in the Peak

Sea stolen (and returned) shoes

Snowden sublime

We shared our apples

28 mi bike ride...just before the hill

Nice looking couple on basalt

Doolin waves

Thirdly, and most importantly, as discreetly as I can say it for I've been bursting to say something, come March we'll have a new addition to our little family! This time not of the four-legged variety....

A midsummer's thought

2009-07-22T15:59:00.007-04:00

This summer feels more like monsoon season

Less lighting bugs and bats in the evening

Gone swimming only once

The rain allows for deep thinking and planning and sleeping.

I am watching my garden overflow with tomato plants and arugala

Watching my sister grow up and trying to remember what it was like to be 14

Think I was too busy reading Gone with the Wind to be outside

Watching my body and listening to what it tells me

Lately been confusing but there are reasons for this

I'm bound to find out soon

Good things are on their way.

Last call..

2009-06-05T23:00:00.003-04:00

I'll be taking down my work next week at the Village Tearoom (recently rated highest Zagat rating in New Paltz, not surprised though...we got a 25 for service, must be me!) ......that means y'all have less than a week to get your heinies over there for a peek and possible a steal when it comes to art. Prints and paintings range from $20 to $120.

Oh yeah and maybe one of these too.

Around the bend

2009-05-30T16:31:00.002-04:00

What's new.....let's see....

an anniversary-3 years and counting....

The sun is coming out and the mountains are looking full and lush again...

the smell of cut grass and rain soaked soil fill the air

creative juices are flowing again after a bit of a drought....

summer is almost here, there is still so much more to do.

Keeping tabs

2009-04-26T17:17:00.004-04:00

They didn't give me the job,

but I was happy at least to interview.

I've become obsessed with getting life under some sort of control,

keeping data of every cent I spend, every crumb I eat.

My body is quietly protesting the latest attempts

to climb mountains and run miles.

I have no more excuses-I'm 28 now.

April thoughts....

2009-04-04T23:43:00.003-04:00

Strange dreams masking premonitions of change to come

plague my sleep this week.

I wait for spring,

for time off to think and make and do,

to sit still, sleep in.

My birthday is coming....

Lately....

2009-03-23T20:25:00.006-04:00

New Obsessions:

-Eating mostly these, these, (though I wish I could get these more), anything from here and this (although needs the stout creme anglaise to be truly awesome)

-Finding a Master's program like this, but closer and/or cheaper

-March Madness, but not the kind you think

-Finding the next knitting project

-Making my own clothes

Reply to Muse(s)

2009-03-18T16:27:00.002-04:00

Your grey spots and deadpan looks

are all I need today.

You bump heads with me in approval.

You think you are the bear,

but you are not.

I drew you as a monster once when I did not know you so well.

You're really more like a Muppet.

The kind you can snuggle and tell silly stories to.

To me:

Don't forget to listen

don't forget to look

don't forget it's right in front of you.

Letter to my muse

2009-03-04T10:37:00.002-05:00

Dear Muse-

It's been awhile. I've noticed that you come to visit me less frequently. Your visits in the past might have been short, but back then you were always about quality over quantity. I used to work weeks on an idea from you, making several pieces that I was generally enamoured with. These days, I sputter out one measly painting or two that I can't honestly stand behind. WTF.

Granted I may be busy with other things in life; teaching, entertaining husbands, worrying about $, baking bread, etc., but I've come to expect that you'd be sticking around indefinately, just as I've come to expect that I'd be an artist indefinately. That's just what we were meant to do. I may like this teaching thing, but damnit, I wouldn't have gone there in the first place if I didn't already love what I do now. Which is painting, drawing, creating things that come out of nowhere and then become something that goes out into the world like little pieces of me.

Therefore I request that if I hold up my end of the job, meaning I show up to paint and draw and make stuff, you should at the very least make an appearance. Let your presense be known because sometimes I think you're just snooping around and don't really mean to pay attention to me. Please know that I am listening and waiting for your divine influence. Just be a responsible muse and show up. I think this is an easy arrangement we can agree upon.

Your patient instrument,

Amy

haiku #2

2009-02-28T14:49:00.006-05:00

And yesterday was

international polar

bear day, don't forget!

Husband home again

Meeting new friends of Etsy

Still looking for job

haiku #1

2009-02-17T16:37:00.006-05:00

taught carpe diem

to teens today, realizing

I should more often

walking with Rupert

cackling geese in the creek

green sprouts from the dirt

transforming the everyday...

2009-02-16T12:19:00.003-05:00

This has been sort of my makeshift philosophy on art for awhile and so I thought I might make a more active approach to it on this blog. I've been reading this blog for about a month and I really enjoy the quiet moments it creates in my day. A lot of people I've noticed in the blog world have taken on this idea of documenting the everyday whether through written work or photography or art. I'm going to attempt to bring a more contemplative tone to my everyday, create a sense of gratitude and awe. Here it goes...

reading the ny times on sunday
it occured to me after reading
an article about a twelve year old
Romanian's suicide in protest of
his mother leaving to clean houses in Italy,
a heiress who became an avid travel writer,
her death overshadowed by her children's lawsuits against her.
my heart caught deep in my throat as it leapt
to salve the suffering
of all those broken people.

and yet,
deep in the ink stains
a trip to the Arctic Circle
along the stoic fiords of Norway
I found my heart return
partially healed
after glimpses of frostbite.

What can happen when they listen to you....

2009-02-09T16:15:00.004-05:00

As of Feburary 1st, I am the proud owner of a New York Teaching Certificate for Visual Arts Education. Luckily the buracracy of SUNY and the State department surpassed my expectations. Even though I've been finished with student teaching for a month and a half, I'm still documenting the projects as they have been finished and displayed over the past few weeks. I'm very proud of the work the kids did as it shows their level of interest and creativity.

Here are a few of the still lifes I did with my fourth grade classes. We looked at Paul Cezanne and Georgia O'Keeffe as our two artist inspirations. We learned how to really observe the objects and not just draw them like any old apple or pumpkin. We looked at the highlights and the shadows and what colors to use to show them. Since Cezanne didn't just use one color, we used as many colors as we saw in the still life to make it feel more realistic. Our still lifes took up as much space as possible on our papers by zooming in on certain parts of the still life. Georgia O'Keefe used this technique to abstract real life objects.

These are the animal pins we did with the fifth graders. We learned about how an artist gets his/her ideas through research. Artists often know a lot about things outside of art such as biology, math, geography, astronomy, physics, sociology, etc. Artists realize that all things are connected and use their art to express this. We looked at several contemporary artists that use animals in their work to express human emotion or social commentary. The students are learning in their classrooms about environmental issues such as pollution and global warming. They had to research an animal whose habitat or own species is threatened by these man made problems. We talked about the human cultures that their animal might come in contact within its environment. Through collage, students learned to put all the information they researched into a wearable art piece that spoke up for the endangered animal.

Here are the trees we did in 1st and 2nd grade. In each class we did a guided movement exercise about trees. From this we discovered that trees not only get thinner and thinner as they grow up to their twigs but that they make "v" and "y" shapes. We drew our trees and used a monoprinting technique to create the reflection at the bottom of our paper. Pretty stunning!

I hope to have some more pictures of the Middle schoolers work as well as the Keith Haring lesson I did with the Kindergarteners up soon!

3's the magic #

2009-01-28T14:17:00.002-05:00

I just realized that this blog has been quietly puttering along for 3 years now! Time is an amazing thing and so is perspective! Looking back at where I was when I started this, I can see how far I've come and how different my outlook is. Last night I mentioned to Andrew that we will be married 3 years this May.
"Really? That long? How long do we have to keep at this?" he joked.
Well, until we're dead?

So I guess I'll be keeping up this living thing til I'm dead.

Thanks for your company...

A new day....

2009-01-20T19:24:00.004-05:00

The land was ours before we were the land's.
She was our land more than a hundred years
Before we were her people. She was ours
In Massachusetts, in Virginia,
But we were England's, still colonials,
Possessing what we still were unpossessed by,
Possessed by what we now no more possessed.
Something we were withholding from our land of living,
And forthwith found salvation in surrender.
Such as we were we gave ourselves outright
(The deed of gift was many deeds of war)
To the land vaguely; realizing westward,
But still unstoried, artless, unenhanced,
Such as she was, such as she would become.
-Robert Frost (The Gift Outright) from JFK inauguration, 1961

I probably don't need to say much, if anything at all that hasn't already been articulated today. I found several moments throughout the day where I was unconsciously grinning from ear to ear or near tears listening to other's excitement, to his voice. There was a papable thrill in everyone's eyes like it was Christmas. What's more there was an electric, urgent connection among all--young, old, black, white, American, world wide. We are beginning to see each other, hear each other and reach through the fog to one another. It is a blessed day when we see our own humanity.

slump....

2009-01-14T14:25:00.004-05:00

Since I now have a load of free time on my hands, I've been "busy" doing not much, other than catching up on my paintings and crafty curiosities. Basically I've been bored and broke, two wonderful worlds to find yourself in in the middle of winter. The internet and I have become fast friends, I've rekindled the flame for my bed and sleep in way too late to make much of the day. My diet consists of hard boiled eggs, crackers and cheese, ginger snaps and the occasional Alternative Bakery treat. Been waiting on certifications and teachery paperwork to go through so I can start subbing in various districts soon. I also just picked up a book "Revolutionary Road" by Richard Yates that I'm finding quite immersing if not mildly housewifey depressing while reading it.
Sigh...

The key I'm finding is keeping myself active, actually working out or something. I went to the gym the other day for the first time since before Christmas and boy do I feel behind...Even my yoga practice today was a bit stiff. Still we bought our tickets to Ireland last week and I'm psyched to get myself in gear so I can do lots of biking and hiking while we travel through Wales, N. England, Scotland and Ireland. I didn't really make any resolutions this year. They always end up being the same sort of thing anyway. It's more of a day to day thing to work on yourself-to move through your world each day aware and present. Maybe that's just the yoga talking....

There are a few new paintings in the shop and hopefully I'll have these paintings up too within the week. They're all fairly small, no bigger than 4 x 6". Check them out and spread the word!

Walking in a winter wonderland!

2008-12-22T23:24:00.002-05:00

Happy Winter all!
It seems as if most of the US has had a taste (like it or not) of winter wonderland. The fresh blanket of snow has really brought the Christmas spirit to the Hudson Valley and I'm loving it! Lots to celebrate this season--finished student teaching ( have an interview for a long term sub position coming up, keep your fingers crossed!), sold a few prints on Etsy and have become a part of the awesome Amy team (a bunch of great cheerleaders!!) and of course I have a wonderful husband who's been my support system in so many ways and an affectionate cat that keeps me warm and entertained!

Speaking of the Amys in the Arts team, we've been fortunate to be chosen for a few treasuries up here and here if you can make it before they close! I've also been the featured Amy of the week here and here. Many thanks to SewArtsy for putting that together!!

Here's to a happy holiday to all you readers, passerbys and such! Thanks for stopping by! Hope you'll be back in the new year!

Well, La de da!

2008-11-23T09:35:00.004-05:00

Keith Haring, Amistad

Amidst all the chaos with student teaching, I have to admit that I've been ignoring my shop a bit (most especially my studio) and my fellow Amys in the Arts Etsy teammates. Amy of SewArtsy was super awesome for including me in her Kreative Blog Award along with other Amys' blogs.

My only obligation is the following...

1. Mention the blog that gave it to you and comment on their blog to let them know you’ve posted your award.
2. Publish these rules.
3. Share 6 values that are important to you and 6 things you do not support.
4. Grant the prize to 6 people.

Here are mine:
Six important values/beliefs:
1. Find beauty and goodness in all things.
2. Try and walk in the other sides' shoes
3. Be a loving, compassionate, patient, mindful friend and lover.
4. Eat local, eat in moderation, and enjoy what you eat!
5. Be a responsible human to the world and to other humans.
6. Never stop learning

Six values/beliefs I do not support:
1. Ignorance (is NOT bliss)
2. Flakiness-not following through on one's words or actions.
3. Racism/Sexism/Ageism/Bodyism...etc.
4. Laziness for the sake of convenience
5. Excess luxury in the face of such poverty.
6. Irresponsibility

I'm passing on this award to these fanatastic blogs-have fun checking them out!!
1.Caroline Grace Designss
2.Greenie Mommie
3.The FamiLee Jewels
4.Katy Elliott
5.Wonderland Boutique
6.Annie Dwyer Internicola

You will see me more towards Christmas as the "end" is near! Enjoy your Thanksgivings everyone!!

Sainted Beasts

2008-11-09T10:35:00.003-05:00

So amidst the chaos of student teaching and political campaigns, I've had the rare chance to finish some paintings and post them in the shop. My final semester of my BFA I began this series of self-portrait paintings posed as saints. I always liked the melodramatic manner in which certain paintings depicted the tragic way certain saints died, having studied them in Italy. I wanted to pose the question...what if I were the saint (male or female)? What would that say about the saint and what would that say about me? Back then my self observational skills were not as proficient as they would become...even now I feel out of practice when I do a self portrait...it's something you have to keep up to stay good at, training your eye.

I recently decided to return to this idea of saint again in my work but since I've been thus obsessed with animals over people these days, it became more about which animals might best represent a specific saint. Very often there are certain animals placed in saint pictures as a representation of a specific saintly quality or because that animal is integral to that saint's story. These pictures then become more about how we reflect human qualities on animals. What does it mean to be a saint as a human, as an animal? Can an animal be saintly? I like the examination of our relationships to animals, especially under the lens of our ideas of humans that possess pure and martyr-like qualities. Are wild animals the martyrs of today? Who's saintly now?

Anyway, hope you enjoy. The first few of this series are up in the shop...would make good holiday gifts (hint, hint)!

Happy Voting!!!

2008-11-04T16:24:00.002-05:00

T-minus 4.5 hours til the polls close here in NY....but just a reminder, if you haven't been reminded enough in these 21 months of campaigning.....

GET OUT THERE & MAKE YOUR VOTE!

(also just to show off my amatuer photoshop skills....)

Vote your conscious-remember your children and children's children...

2008-10-25T10:24:00.002-04:00

Given that Election day is right around the corner, the economy is freaking people out on a daily basis and the war in Iraq and Afganistan continues despite...please remember this....

Amys in the Arts October Challenge--Amys rock the Fall!

2008-10-10T17:24:00.004-04:00

Here we are! All of us Amys finally got our acts together and created pieces for our shops under the theme autumn, but also by taking inspiration from a fellow New Englander, who really knows the season.

“The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on."
- Emily Dickinson, Nature 27 - Autumn

Here's my entry-

The treasury link is only for a few short days...HOWEVER, please do visit our Amys in the Arts Blog to cast your vote on an Amy masterpiece. The poll is on the left hand side. I'm extremely honored to be working with these lovely and talented ladies.

Hope you are all out and enjoying the season. With all the news of Wall St and the campaign, it's important you experience your everyday surroundings and see the beauty in life. That's what keeps me going, day in and day out.

Short....post...too...tired...

2008-09-28T18:43:00.004-04:00

This will be a short post just to make you aware of some of my fabulous fellow Amys. We are all in the midst of getting ready for our first team challenge which hopefully will be in public view by Oct 1. But in the meanwhile check out SewArtsy's feature of Have Art's Amy Elise and her rich and colorful paintings!

Meanwhile, I am recouperating from my 1st teacher cold. I'm halfway through my 1st placement at Ellenville and the amount of work is catching up with me. I basically just want to do exactly what Lovington above is doing any moment I can!

Here's a peek at what we've been doing at the middle school...

I'll post some more pictures of the kids' work when I get a chance!

And so it begins...

2008-09-13T12:16:00.005-04:00

Lost shoes, acrylic on wood, 2008

I've just ended my first full week of student teaching. I'm already teaching the majority of the classes with lessons that I came up with, although I've been tweaking them nearly everyday with every class. It's a very intense and challenging experience but one that I find exciting as well. I'm enjoying getting to know the kids, their likes and dislikes and personalities. They are the ones who let me know almost immediately if my teaching is working or if I need to clarify or change gears. I still feel very much the ineffective teacher-communication-wise, discipline-wise-but again, it is only the 1st week and I hope to get that cinched the more I teach.

I'm finding I feel very comfortable with the 7th grade classes I'm teaching over the other grades. HS has proven so far the most difficult because the particular classes are quite needy and lack motivation to do anything. In remembering my own HS art experience, I can make no connections to these kids in their sentiments toward art as I was a goody two shoes and l always loved art. Even when I think about the classes where I didn't enjoy the subject (math) I never acted out in a way that would disrupt the learning of others.....but again, this is like comparing apples and oranges. The district I teach in is considered high risk as the majority of the students have some family member in the state prison located in the community. My teacher will often disclose the story of a student's background and it's a wonder sometimes how these kids can even function. It's quite sobering and reminds me of how lucky I've been in my life to have been raised in a loving, encouraging environment. At the very least I'm trying to remain a positive and encouraging person for and towards the kids.

In other news...
I entered some small paintings into a local show. Have sold a few prints and drawings in the past few weeks. The picture above I gave to my mom for her birthday (I won't say what milestone birthday it was). I really like it so I might experiment on printing it for the shop. Have entered (finally) some links to my fellow street team members Amys in the Arts and the Hudson Valley Etsy Street team, so please check them out on the side bar!!

Check in with my fellow Amy (SewArtsy) as she features one of us Amys and her shop on her blog. This week it's Amy Cook of Recycled Jeans!

The lull

2008-08-13T21:46:00.006-04:00

I think it's that time of year again. I just caught a whiff of it the other day driving to the studio on one of those perfect summer days. The ones that nearly break your heart with their cottony clouds and bright blue skies. Everything is bursting with abundance. The wild blueberry bushes are chock full of little violet orbs this season. I picked blackberries the size of dollar coins and kept popping more raspberries into my mouth than in the pint. But it's there in the air-even if it feels as if everything is full of life. It's autumn, it's the inevitable decay that awaits right around the corner. The green on the leaves is turning golden green in expectancy of the vibrant yellow it will soon transform. I have to say I am looking foward to the coming few months of brisk air and sweaters and the smell of wood burning stoves.

Speaking of sweaters, I finally finished my first sweater. I even followed the pattern to a T (tee?) and had to sew and resew the circle motif and sleeves on at least three times. But voila! I can now attest that I have indeed knitted a sweater. Now I'm a bit obsessed about finding my next project and debating on which one of these to start first. I'm spending way too much time on ravelry and what yarn I should be using. I'm planning with the idea of creating this pattern(minus the straps) in the colors inspired by my visit earlier this summer to Ghost Ranch in NM.

I've been working non-stop at the Tearoom and putting away money for the coming months of student teaching. Still haven't written any lesson plans but that can easily be put together....now if they would only confirm who and where I'll be teaching with in three weeks.....

I'll admit to being Etsy lazy the past month. At least since I got Patty's thank you cards out. So not much new for the shop. I have been playing around with drawing again in the studio, daydreaming about winter. Ever since I read this book, I'm convinced that I need to travel to Norway or Iceland. Here's a sample of works in progress.

In addition to the drawings, I'm puttering with making work to submit in a local show curated by my friend Eileen. I'm quite intrigued by the size limitations as I missed entering work in this show earlier this summer and wanted to scale back to smallish work again. Here are some of my ideas but they don't quite fit the size constraints so maybe they'll end up on the shop front soon. Keep your eyes open!

Sesame Street nostalgia

2008-07-20T11:44:00.002-04:00

I had to share this. Especially after my recent dream where I was student teaching in my old elementary school and I thought to myself that I could relive my childhood. Enjoy!

Tada! My first treasury on Etsy!

2008-07-06T10:17:00.002-04:00

Just thought I'd boast a wee bit. I was just notified last night of the inclusion of the "Dream Tree" print in one of the treasuries on Etsy. The treasuries are chosen by members of Etsy, sellers and buyers alike of a collection of objects, products that they like for whatever reason or theme. It's quite an honor to be chosen out of the many, many sellers on Etsy. Please enjoy it, it will be up til Tuesday when it expires.

Land of Enchantment

2008-06-26T21:19:00.006-04:00

Summer has arrived!

Andrew and I spent the longest day of the year flying back through thunderstorms to the humidity of the Northeast from New Mexico and got gypped 2 hours of sun. O well! The husband thoroughly enjoyed being home again but I still miss the dry heat of the southwest.

But this trip really almost began about 5 years ago...I was just finishing up my 1st undergraduate degree, taking summer classes and working at an ice cream/juice shop in New Paltz. My daydreams were full of my future life that I would be escaping to soon in that magical world of desert and art, Santa Fe. My plans were to finish school that summer, drudgingly move home for a few months to save on rent and work tirelessly to save for my move to Santa Fe, where I was sure to flourish in the colorful sunsets and mesas as a painter. But then Andrew came around and suddenly the lush and gauzy Shawangunks became the place where I wanted to stay.

Fast forward to now, where I still work in New Paltz but in another restaurant, I still go to SUNY New Paltz, endlessly finishing up something and that sweet bashful boy who almost didnt' make that 1st move is now my husband, my traveling buddy (albeit a sometimes trying traveling buddy)...but the desert still calls me.

We flew into Alburquerque, the mountains already impressing me with their large presence, growing right out of the plains. I swear for the 1st week we were there, we did not see a single cloud in the sky. A fact which unnerved Andrew but fascinated me. But my 1st impressions of Santa Fe were that the city was a lot bigger and sprawled out in that American fashion of hotels and gas stations and Walmarts. The downtown while quaint showcased as a magnet for rich white tourists and mediocre restaurants. We always call ourselves spoiled for living in the Hudson Valley because the food is never as good anywhere else as it is here. I was really looking forward to good Mexican food or this thing they call "New Mexican" food but it seemed no matter where we went it was the same 5 typical plates and combinations. Too much salsa and chile and beans that it makes the tortillas soggy. The Italian in me was hungering for a bowl of pasta by the end of the trip. Margueritas, however are always good when you're on vacation!

As for the art scene, we checked out the New Mexico Museum of Art, the Georgia O'Keeffe museum and various galleries throughout downtown and on Canyon Road. Granted many guides might say that Canyon Road is touristy but I'm insulted by the art that it and the rest of the city showcased. Intially I made a list of several galleries of contemporary art that were supposed to be decent and overall, I walked away from the experience with very few art pieces that stood out for me as interesting or worthy of an afterthought. Generally I found the art to be simplistic, uninspiring and cliched. Lots of landscapes, cliched images of Pueblo Indian women and bad abstract art. It seemed that although the city boasts a large percentages of artists living in Santa Fe, the artist's community is geared toward the tourist sector, the rich tourist that is. Nothing I saw said anything beyond what was seemed to be the Santa Fe image of desert landscapes and indiginous culture. This so called 3rd largest art market of the US seemed too insular and isolated and cut off from any art that spoke of contemporary issues, art related or not. Highly disappointing....but at least there's Georgia O'Keeffe. I understood why she moved out to Abiquiu and Ghost Ranch. I think even back in the 30s and 40s the art scene of Santa Fe and Taos was too caught up with celebrity personalities and gossip than on quality art. She just wanted to get away from everyone and just paint. No distractions.

The landscape is where it's really at, I will attest to that. I found it too overwhelming to bother sketching much in such a whirlwind tour of the area. If I had a month or so, maybe I would've settled into a concentrated study of the light and color and shapes of the land. I remember people telling me that the light there is so different but I kept looking around throughout the day thinking, "Is it different? How? It certainly isn't like the light in Italy." The conclusion I came to was at sunset the adobe caught a brillant orange glow and it seemed as if everything was always moving, the desert breeze was always blowing. But it's like that in Italy too, only softer, rosier. It's the architecture that built just for the way the light comes through. But I didn't think it was all that special.

Once we got out of Taos and Santa Fe, I enjoyed the landscape more. My favorite part was driving west from Taos out to a bouldering area Andrew wanted to check out (guess what, NM rock sucks). We drove on plains that extended out to the horizon, the towering mountains behind us and the sky like a bubble over us when suddenly we came upon a huge gash in the plain. The Rio Grande Gorge bridge. It shook when we walked out on it when cars passed and the wind blew so fiercely I was nervous to even take a picture for fear it would blow from my hands and down to the river.

We stopped a hot springs to take the edge off of our seemingly pointless meanderings. We took a tour of Georgia' house in Abiquiu and then up to Ghost Ranch. There the rocks are decorated with bands of red and yellow and white. The blue Pedernal that Georgia painted so many times overlooked the valley. It was like existing inside one of her paintings.

Did you know that dealing with airlines and ticket changes is a real pain in the ass? And that they can charge murderous fees and check your bags forgetting to close your shampoo thus soaking your clothes when you pick up your bag? I love flying...really. But I'm looking forward to teleportation....

So New Mexico-in seeing it now, after everything that has since happened in my life, may not have been the right fit for me had I moved out there like I planned. I kept thinking how certain places reminded me of either home or Colorado. I'm beginning to notice a trend in these soul searching trips of mine that claim to be a finding out what I'm missing sort of thing. They end up being extremely expensive and slightly bittersweet.

Did I also mention that we have a new kitten?
Meet Lovington Snugglesworth III.

New Art in shop!

2008-05-21T16:55:00.003-04:00

So printmaking, particularly etching is my new love in terms of art making obsessions. I listed a few prints from several of my editions from this past semester up on the shop so we'll see if there are any bites! I went a bit above and beyond the necessary requirements of the class and made two extra plates while simultaneously printing the 16 layered silk screen (that only had to have 7-10 layers) so it's safe to say that my overachiever tendencies still run strong.

Other than that, happy 2nd anniversary to my dear frequently anonymous commenter. You rock my world. Seriously.

27 times around the earth.....

2008-04-20T12:50:00.006-04:00

You Act Like You Are 27 Years Old

You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life.

You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up.

The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?

So apparently I even quiz my age.....
Friday was my 27th birthday and I was quite pleased that it turned out so lovely as past years have been a bit of a disappointment. I'm from the birthday camp that believes that you celebrate the week of your birthday, let alone the day. I mean heck, I'm the birthday princess for a week and I expect full attention to my needs!! Needless to say that doesn't happen anymore, at least after you're 10. And I am married to a man who hates fusses and surprises, let alone planning them. No "kitten factory" or "my little pony ranch" for me. But I did get a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from the man who hates to buy flowers...so I did get my birthday way with a little persuasion...!

Isn't amazing how a change in temperature can totally change your outlook on life? Just the sight of the light green peeking out on the tips of trees is enough to make me beam from inside out. Not to mention the fact that I have about 2 weeks or so of this semester to go and I can't wait. Lots of planning to come for camp and student teaching but at least I don't have to put up with busy work....! I'm in the midst of having anxiety dreams about silk screens and curriculums but knowing that it's nearing an end I'm quite calm these days.

Here are some glimpses of the work I'm doing on the chairs for the Ballston Rocks event this summer. Honestly, I'm ready to move past the fairy tale one as it's so tedious with all the little vinettes throughout, but it looks good. I figured the thematic link between the two commissioned pieces and have decided to call them "Endangered Realities": one imagined and the other real but both are fading fast in contemporary minds. The second chair will be an artic scene complete with my favorite animal du jour. The third I still have to start so I need to get crackin'...

New Items in the shop

2008-04-06T13:04:00.002-04:00

March has been a bit of nutsy month in terms of posting anything new in the shop. Unfortunately things are picking up on the academic side of life so it takes away from time in the studio to make stuff. I've been working on this series of animal brooches for the month and have delighted in wearing them around to see what people think of them. I've only just gotten around to getting pictures and posting them on petiteami. The Rupert pins are based on an image that I've been playing with for about a year. "Rupert's Gift" is making some interesting transformations in different media like these pins and I'm also planning to make either an etch or silkscreen of him too.

In addition to school picking up, I even have priorities in the studio as I've been commissioned to paint some Adirondack rocking chairs for my hometown. It's to promote the downtown area and local businesses and artists. I've been commissioned to paint three chairs: two for a business owner and one for my mom who also happens to work for the business association. The chairs will be on display from May until September (?) and then be auctioned off to support B Spa events like the Concerts in the Park and the Farmers Market. I'll admit that I've bitten off more than I can chew at this point as all three need to be completed by mid-May and I've since been socked with a K-5 curriculum and a 10 layered silkscreen assignment.....oy! I'll be sure to post some pictures when I get further in finishing.

Happy Leap Day!

2008-02-29T21:44:00.005-05:00

And so we welcome March in with more wintry goodness with more scheduled to visit us in a few days....

I used to hate winter when I was younger especially when it seemed like the huge piles of snow in the yard seemed to just get bigger. These days I'm probably a minority in actually enjoying snow storms. As long as I can get my car out easily enough the next day, then I'm not too concerned! Snow storms give a great excuse to stay cozy inside and drink lots of tea and knit/crochet or watch a old movie. I just watched The Philadelphia Story for the gazillionth time--gosh they don't make movies like that anymore!

Since I've been taking a printmaking class this semester, I've had my eye on several Etsy sellers and their various prints as reference. One of my favorites is Pistoles Press. Lana Lambert works primarily with woodcuts (which I think are the better, originial idea for linocut prints). Her beautifully crafted work manifests the actual materials, wood or paper for poetic images of trees and forests. Her style is obviously influenced by Japanese imagery and the Moku Hanga technique as every piece has a bonzai-like zen quality. In addition to her woodcuts, she produces books with intricate paper cuttings of forest imagery. The Blue Tome on her shop is absolutely amazing in the attention to detail and layering involved. Her blog documents her process and love for letterpresses. Though I do feel like I need some sort of printmaker's dictionary for all her technical terms..!

An attitude of gratitude brings opportunities..

2008-02-18T21:06:00.008-05:00

Okay, okay, so I got that title from the little tag on my tea but I just thought it appropriate for this post. Either that or I just drink too much tea....
I've just posted a few new items in the shop with more to come. I figured I might give a little sneak peek to y'all of the latest items I've been carried away by the past few days.

I have to say I really like these days spent consumed in these little projects. It makes me so happy to just putter away in the studio or at home crocheting over a pot of tea and my ipod going. I think it might be the printmaking class, an actual art class that instills a sense of work that must be done within the studio and the anticipation of creative bubblings as a result. Usually it was always the non-art classes that gave me ideas-doodles on the margins of my notes that had the potential to become fully realized paintings. Now it's a bit harder to make out what would work for artful ideas as there are no notes to be taken anymore. Just lists upon lists. Despite my seemingly large amount of free time offered to me, I still feel l fritter it away on nothing. I'm trying to train myself to be disciplined in my time management, to make the most of every moment. I think Andrew thinks I just sit around and do nothing, nothing of great importance...I'm certainly not working a job everyday or at least "contributing" much to the greater funds. But I like these little luxuries that I always wanted to do when I was too busy. Like baking bread or cookies, or whipping up little crochet earring (which help teach me more about increasing in crochet) or flipping through design or painting books in the library or actually going to the gym. I mean I know that I am extremely lucky to be able to do all these things. I'll probably read over what I just wrote and think," Man, you are a spoiled brat! Why don't you have 3 jobs again? How will you ever afford to contribute to the house fund? Ick! Brat, brat, brat!!" So maybe I just won't ruin a good feeling and just forget about the editing this time 'round.

What is it they say, do what you love and the rest will follow? All I can say is that since opening petiteami I'm more motivated to make things and not worry about the results, about it not being artsy enough or that it doesn't say anything of grand effect. The truth is that someone somewhere will like it, maybe even like it enough to buy it, and frankly that sounds great to me. Already I've had a few personal commissions from friends to make artful objects for them. Maybe they see the love I have for just creating from scratch. All I know is that I worry less about what I make and putting out what I make.

If you build it, they will come....?

6 more weeks of winter.....

2008-02-04T19:44:00.000-05:00

Hmm, what goes on?

Well since my opening of my etsy shop, I've sold one print and been a busy bee in the studio and on the computer to present y'all with more artful objects. Presently I've been making card sets of particularly favorite images and some Valentine-ish cards too. I'm trying to list something every other day or so, but still no more bites after that first one....a fluke, maybe?! I still only have 16 hearts, so I've been trying to poke my head around the Etsy forums and introduce myself, but things move quickly over there. No wonder, there must be thousands of sellers....it's a bit crazy! I've been feeling a little sluggish and a time-waster lately, even with school getting into full swing. I think it must be that I have too much free time on my hands that I don't know what to do with myself. I think once things get a little more scheduled, I'll have a better idea of what I can get away with......

I know I originally wanted to feature Etsy artists every so often, but I've been venturing into the clothing realms and I've been hankering for some cute simple dresses like this oneand this one. Might I add that Etsy is a huge time eater-upper for me too!

So this shop, she rides the lion caught my eye particularly for her woodcut images. Being that I'm taking a printmaking class this semester and have recently become enamored with linoleum printing, I felt this was a great source of inspiration. Sonia Romero is a RISD grad where she concentrated in printmaking and now resides in L.A. where her work spans mural comissions, gallery exhibitions and online sales. I'm in love with the Alphabet series. Frankly, and I feel this happens often, but I wish I had thought to execute something along those lines first! It's right up my alley, animals and little girls, jeesh! Anyway, I dig it and I'm passing on the goods to you lucky, visually discernable folks.

Artsy Etsy Shop of the week-Good Golly Molly

2008-01-17T21:17:00.000-05:00

I thought it only fitting to honor the first review of an etsy shop to my friend and former housemate, Molly Rengstorf. We resided in the infamous Little Yellow House on Millrock Rd in New Paltz way back in 2003. Molly is also a fellow BFA painter. When I first met her she had a bit of an obsession with nuns and bugs. I rather like her newest little collage pieces. Her collages are a great combination of wry humor, simple design and vintage quirk. Lucky for her her job offers her access to beautiful handmade patterned papers which she showcases in her work at her shop, good golly molly. She also has a show coming up at the Unison Art Center's gallery in the Water St Markets in February and work also at the new Luluanne boutique in New Paltz.I know Molly is planning on making some new pieces for the shop soon, so keep your eyes peeled.
Check out her website as well here

One from the Organ Postcard series

One from the 5 Broken Landscape postcard series

Beaded Saint 1-2007

Some things never change-2007

Debut of petite ami!

2008-01-16T19:19:00.000-05:00

I've been spending quality time with my computer these few days. I listed my first item on my new etsy shop, petite ami. I'm starting out with a few prints and see what interest is out there. I plan on putting on a couple more prints over the next few days, so please check back often! In the near future I'd like to invest in a good scanner/printer to make prints of my original paintings too. Anyone have any good advice or know of any good printers out there?

I'm also starting to build up on some other favorite etsy shop to show you guys, particularly that of art and illustrative ilk, so stick around....

Here are the following studio makings and possible etsy items.....all of which are acrylic on wood but no bigger than 6 x 7", some are 4 x 4".

I got the idea for this one on a comedic article in the Smithsonian about "The Kama Sutra of Housework". If you'll notice, Andrew is doing his fair share of laundry, but meanwhile I'm multitasking....as usual.

p.s. To frequent Anonymous commenter....you coward, when are you going to actually let the world know who you REALLY are.....a hubby who pays to get his dishes done....?

deep in dreamy hibernation

2008-01-14T01:41:00.000-05:00

Here we are, a new year! Funnily enough I took to writing '08 pretty quickly unlike most years where I don't make it a habit until Febuary. That must be a good omen of good things to come!

Started out this year with a little road trip down South with Andrew. We stopped by to visit my Papa in Pawley's Island, S.C. then drove out to a bouldering area in Northwest Georgia, then onto Chattanooga TN, took some good pizza, a train ride and some touristy caving. Then more driving up to Asheville NC where we ate the best meals of the trip here and here. I made sure that I did my research and found us some good eating down South. We only succumbed to Cracker Barrel once and Waffle House twice. I think this is our first trip to date that wasn't an actual climbing trip even though we (i.e. Andrew, I just stand around and take pictures) climbed one day. I'm sure Andrew wasn't too thrilled with that given that we were near some places he would've rather been but he is a trooper. It was more of a trip to check out some places we might want to move to in the future. I liked Asheville best, artsy and good food, a bit like a larger, upscale version of New Paltz. Andrew's not quite as convinced...climbing isn't that spectacular, but nothing is compared to the Gunks!

In other news, I've been toying with the idea of opening an Etsy shop to sell my work and crafty creations. It's been sort of keeping me up at night, ideas racing in my head for logos and packaging and printing, hence the writing of this post at 2 in the morning! I've already made 3 little paintings today in my studio. Figure it's best to get in what I can before school starts again next week.

Like almost everyone else's New Year's resolution I'm going to try to be more organized (i.e less cluttered), save more money than spend it (i.e stop shopping on jcrew.com), eat healthier and locally (i.e. more vegetables, less fat), exercise more (maybe take up yoga again) and drive less. I've already started an exercise and food journal to keep track of things. Ask me in May if I'm still up to the challenge!

As for this blog, I'm going to try and do my homework and post some favorite Etsy/handmade/artsy website once a week. Give you random folks something to look forward to!

Christmas Time is here....

2007-12-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

Christmas is not truly Christmas until you've seen Charlie Brown Christmas. And nothing feels like Christmas more than that opening Giaraldi tune. Beats any other Christmas song.

I don't know how it is with all of you but I really only just plunged into Christmas mode the past few days. Final projects seemed to be the main priority (due to gross procrastination) until Tuesday. Yesterday as I finally went food shopping, having no food in the house since before the 1st snow storm we had. The Christmas jingles were in full swing. I swear I heard three versions of Jingle Bells before I checked out. I could feel a sudden anxiety attack rise in me! So much to do, so much to buy! So little in my bank account!!

So today I'm still trying to stay on my handmade gift task that I promised earlier this month. Today I made a chocolate bark with dried fruit and nuts in it. I have to finish my mom's hooded scarf and maybe, maybe start another one...Andrew already gave me my presents last night. Some very beautiful sweaters and shirts from the shop. His stuff I don't think will get here in time for Christmas but he already knows what he's getting. He takes the fun out of presents.

I'm going to try and bake some cookies in the next few days. Figure out what wine and salad I'll bring upstate for Christmas with the folks...any suggestions for something to go with lasagna? This last week before Christmas always sneaks up on me and makes me frantic. I really just want to sit back, read my book and drink hot cocoa with a warm kitty snoozing in my lap.....

Snow Day!!

2007-12-14T22:36:00.000-05:00

So here falls our first nor'easter of the season with one more not far behind. Have to say I get more excited at the coming signs of winter than I used to. Even slightly reveled at the pain I felt in my fingers this morning as I shoveled my car out of several inches of snow. (Must find my gloves however!) One of my finals was canceled which was a godsend as I hadn't quite finished it. So I spent all day yesterday painting, listening to NPR with a hot cocoa at my side and watched the snow fall. Tomorrow I take my LAST, one of my few test I have to take in order to get my teaching certificate. Plus I still have to start my last project for my last final...ugg! I can't wait until winter break!

It's best on days like this when everything seems quiet and muffled as if waiting for something. Or just settling in for a long sleep.

Yo...hoho

2007-11-30T20:41:00.000-05:00

Ah yes, tis that time again! I've found some substantial time to procrastinate writing my unit lesson plans...

Here we are, on the cusp of the holiday season. A season I do genuinely look forward to but ultimately hesitate to throw myself into wholeheartedly. The past few years (and maybe it just might be because I'm getting older) have left me with a twinge of disappointment. It's just not as exciting anymore. No reason to get up early to check the presents under the tree or loot your stocking before waking Mom and Dad. Nope. I'm married to bah humbug himself. Christmas trees, lights, decorations of any sorts..a complete waste. (Even if you make them!) I think the only thing he really looks forward to is the food.

School-wise, I'm finishing up my second semester of the Art Ed program at SUNY New Paltz. Boy, I surely can't wait to get out of there and start working. Plenty of busywork and flaky run-arounds. Geez, no wonder art teachers get such a bad rap! I mean if you want to teach us to be organized and professional and on top of things, you might as well start with yourself! Seriously though, I'm not going to waste webspace to rant on this....
Let's think of something happier.....kitties? Cute kitties? Aw, now that's better....

In finishing up my assistantship at Ellenville middle school, we were able to get a show of the kids' work at the Ellenville Library. We did a lesson on graffiti and mural art and connected it to their sense of community. It was interesting to see how they interpreted the concept. Some did images of personal places they liked; home, the mall, a store or restaurant in town. Others took a more aesthetic approach and thought of graffiti as an urban NYC site. Many of the kids have family from the city so it still had a personal connection for them. I think they enjoyed it as a bit of a departure from the regular work in the art class but still drawing upon the graphic concepts they have been working on. At least standing up and painting was different than working on a table.

Seventh graders are a funny bunch and I liked working with them best. It's amazing to see the difference in attitude and motivation between 9th graders and 7th graders. High schoolers are so jaded, it's enough of a struggle to get them to have any inkling of interest in art, let alone the project at hand. They just need it to graduate. It's kind of sad and I think it's a combination of the class work not making connections to them and the social environment that the kids come from. I mean there is a prison in town and many of the residents are immigrants or up from the city. I don't know how inner city teachers do it!

Ellenville is a great little town and it's supposedly making a comeback as a new art community. The library was excited to work with us on the project and various members of the community appeared at our opening the past Monday including some of the board of education members, the principle of the middle school and a local radio personality looking to interview us and some of the student for a radio show. There's even a possibility of us continuing working with Ellenville district by proposing a mural outside the school with kids from all grades involved. My partner Lauren and I are pretty excited by the prospect of it and the mere fact that our extra work had garnered such attention.

Some loveliness courtesy of an earlier visit this month with the in-laws to the Botanical Gardens in da Bronx. They had a pretty cool chrysanthemums display.

As for Christmas, I'm steering clear of malls and most shopping. I plan on making everything this year. With the exception of Mr. Humbug, I might just have to buy him tickets to Xanadu. God love this man and his love of Xanadu and Purple Rain!

Or of course there is the option to buy handmade things from old high school friends. Check out my friend Patty's etsy shop and her blog. I absolutely love the necklace I bought from her this summer. I get compliments on it every time I wear it. Now it's just a matter of drooling over which one I'll buy next and fighting the instinct to keep it when I should really give it as a gift! Meanwhile, I just bought myself an early present! I just wish I could afford to buy this or this or this! So what if the economy is slowing down, I should at least be investing in my art collection!

Obviously, Jen and I have a bit of obsession with bears and little girls. Must be Joanna Newsom's influence...

The smattering of paintings in this post are some that I made when I went to R&F Encaustics in Kingston for a workshop. They make the most beautiful colors, I want to eat them! Think I might make the top painting into Christmas cards..

That would be all from me for now.....and I'm spent!

Goodbye Summer...Hello Autumn!

2007-10-04T19:10:00.000-04:00

It's about this time of year when one needs to grab a sweater before an evening walk, the crickets start to slow down their chatter and New England becomes the most popular place for city people who drive slow and forget that people actually live here. Or as Andrew sings " It's the most wonderful time of the year..." because now is the time when I don't see him much as he is out making the most out of the dry air and temperate weather at the cliffs. It's just as well...I have lesson plans and education articles to read. He can be such a distraction!

However, when one does notice the change from summer to fall, it's like a slight click in one's system. Suddenly I crave potatoes and heavy desserts and cheese. Every peacoat in JCrew looks perfect and cozy. I want to pull out all my yarn and google every knitting pattern for the perfect sweater to knit. Sleeping becomes actually enjoyable because I'm not kicking the blanket or Andrew and his radiator body off me. I have to say though the Change occured quite awhile ago, at least for me. So what if two weeks ago, it became officially fall. For me, I could honestly say it was back in August. You know one of those days where the trees have that slight off green-yellowish tint as if they just burst their green. Suddenly the evening light isn't so soft and gauzy blue but duller, more golden. It's such a bittersweet moment. But I have been beginning to look forward more and more to autumn and winter now.

Despite this feeling, it's still been summery hot and humid. It kind of freaks me out. In my recent image research for bears again (see, I'm getting ready for hibernation) I can't help but be tied up in the global warming dilemma for those dear polar bears. It really is a catastrophe waiting to happen, but then so are so many other things....... Last early December, we had unseasonably warm weather and tornado warnings and temperatures of 60 degrees! In December!!

In more recent news, I've taken up a routine of attending the gym. Actually attending and participating in some form of exercise. This coming from a girl who hated to run the mile in gym class, couldn't be bothered with doing situps, hardly weighs herself just as long as all her clothes fit. Calories? Count them? Whatever for? I've even kept it up for a month so far...I figure it gives me the excuse to eat those potatoes, heavy desserts and cheese whenever.

Here is the hooded scarf I made last winter. Since then I've had several requests to make more so I'm in the process of playing around with the pattern in lace and cable versions. Love the pointy top to the hood....makes me feel elfish!

This semester I've had my teaching assistantship at Ellenville, about 30 mins from Rosendale. I'm working primarily with the art teacher in the middle school but she also teaches a class at the High School and the Elementary so it's been great to get a varied experience. It amazes me the more I work with kids at the gross discrepancies there are sometimes in kids' behavior. There are an awful lot of spoiled, sad and angry little kids out there. This summer I did a lesson involving 4th and 5th graders in creating their own personal fairy tale stories and most of them only knew of Grimm's fairy tales from the Disney versions (highly watered down, oft mislead versions). One girl said she had never read any fairy tales. All this young generation does is watch mindless cartoons and video games. Case in point is Andrew and his monosyllabic response when he's playing Zelda. Kids can easily name the latest toys or cartoon characters but nevermind making up a fantasy world all their own. Imagination in kids is highly atrophied and it shakes me to the core as an artist, future mother and art teacher.

Please, please, read to your kids, tell them stories. My mom used to tell my brother stories every night before bed about a little boy very much like my brother. I have fond memories of my dad telling my brother and I both a running story about a bear who sniffed everything and his little befriended orphan bear. The violence and sex implied in fairy tales are no more disturbing than that which is shown on TV. There is one girl from the afterschool program I work at who constantly approaches me complaining " I'm bored. Entertain me." Gaaa! I end up seeing her later on playing with the settings on her cellphone. If I couldn't entertain myself, I wouldn't be the person I am today spending hours in the studio completely unaware of time.

That is when I actually get to the studio! I sadly only visited the studio 3 times in Sept.....

Okay, stepping off the soapbox for now...

The "cat" days of summer

2007-07-23T17:31:00.000-04:00

Rupert takes his summer louging seriously. Seriously. He takes up the entire window sill in the bathroom and lays with his limbs akimbo in complete relaxed-I'm-on-vacation fashion. Purring the whole way of course. I wish I could say I've had much opportunity to do the same this season...but no. Camp has consumed me entirely. Despite the early risings, the perpetual pep that I must keep in my voice, the attempts to gain attention from anywhere between 15 to 30 kids at a time, it still is a lot of fun. And it sure beats waiting tables. It's been an exhausting but rewarding look into what my life might be like in a few years or so. Thankfully my intuition in teaching middle school is right on. Elementary aged kids are too messy and rambunctious for me! It's nice also to have gained the beloved reputation of "Art Amy". I mean seriously who ever hated their art teacher?

As of late the camera is on the fritz, or at least the memory card is, so any pictures I've taken in the past few weeks are history. So I have only a few from the beginning of the summer. Here's the first sour cherry pie of the season. Gosh, that season goes fast! I've been enjoying my weekends off so that I can go to all the farmer's market in the area. It's great to go and see what's looking good and plan an impromptu dinner and/or dessert for the day. Yesterday I made Ratatouille from some beautiful lavendar and white eggplants and yellow and green zucchini. Even Andrew was surprised at how good it was. My tomato plants are quite sorry looking as I sort of space out on watering them regularly. My Roma tomato plants are just starting to ripen up and produce some scrawny looking fruit. The other tomato plants, I forget what they were, Big Boy? just barely have flowers on them. I always have such high intentions for a garden, and then I seem to forget somewhere between planning and planting that really I'm a lazy flake when it comes to upkeep. At least my herbs are doing well.

Here's a few more trickle pictures of Colorado. Still so f__ing gorgeous!

I'm also slowly, quietly longing for another cat. One per house just doesn't feel right. As sweet and affectionate as he is, Rupert really isn't much of a lap cat, although he's slowly cutting off the circulation in my arm as I type this. I'm sure Andrew won't mind a sweetie like this guy......

One is the loneliest #....

2007-07-02T22:16:00.001-04:00

After keeping this blog for more than a year now, I still don't really know how to write a post as more than a glorified "Dear Diary" entry of sorts. A few weeks or months seem to pass between the last entry and so much has happened and observed that it seems quite impossible to put it all in one entry. It's not particularly fair to you, dear reader to have to engross yourself into my many offshoots and mundanities once every month or so. It's also quite unfair to myself to have to cram and simplify every tangent and opinion and moments. So I will allow for a few words and then let the pictures tell the story. They do a much better job explaining myself than I ever could.

1 is for the lone cat of the house now, Rupert. Andrew and I returned from Colorado, a fleeting and yet difficult journey on many levels, to have to decide to put down our dear sweet Moz. People laugh when I say he had asthma, but it ended up being a very serious matter for him and one we couldn't let him suffer through much longer. He purred the whole way out, my sweet boy. I miss him very much.

This is where I grew up in Fort Collins, Colorado before we moved to NY when I was 6. My tree that I climbed everyday has since been cut away enough and grown over with brush to be of much climbing fun these days. It was of a great comfort to be surrounded by tall rugged mountains and big skies again. I truly believe it's in my blood.

The ripple keeps going.......slowly but surely....pieno e pieno......

Until next time.....

Through:Time installation...of sorts

2007-05-20T17:44:00.000-04:00

Here is some pictures of the installation. I dreamt the night before that everything went beautifully up and the tunnel nearly sparkled with artistic delight. I should've known that when I dream the best possible situation, it could be anything but in reality.....I only executed about a quarter of the work I wanted to do before critique time. Nonetheless, the film projection saved the day, thanks to awesome technology and Andrew. True to SUNY New Paltz, most students were extremely hesitant to even walk through the curtain or even the tunnel once they saw the artwork up. Some would turn around and walk the other way once they saw the curtain or stood outside of it until I said it was okay. Very few actually stopped to look at the film or even ask me questions. Some still walked through as if nothing even existed, talking on the cellphones, avoiding all eye contact. I guess most people were either in their heads still studying as they went to their last final or they were blissfully oblivious as they finished finals. Either way, the original idea of setting up in the tunnel was to get people to notice their surroundings in an alternative, meditative way. I think that I'd like to do something else in that space again, something a bit more direct and simple. And cheap. I'm a bit in the doghouse for that but....
Next time I'll just be more direct and actually put signs everywhere telling people to get off their cell phones!

Am I done yet??!!

2007-05-10T20:27:00.000-04:00

I have no idea why I'm still sitting in front of this computer and still typing. I've been chained to this device for the past three weeks writing paper after paper. And the killer is there is still at least one more to edit and finish for next week! I've been wanting to post since everything started to come up green but I've been devoting myself entirely to finishing up all loose school ends first before I partake in any "me" activities: garden, afghan, studio, sleep, sex. It's been a rough few weeks to say the least.

Today was even too hot for me. I hate sometimes how New England weather seems to hint a day or so of spring weather, throws you back in to winter for another few weeks and then catapultes you into summer. Cold. Cold. Cold. Warm. Cold. Cold. HOT!! There's a few picutes also of all the flooding we had in April. Took us 45 min to get to New Paltz from Rosendale when it would normally take us 10-15 mins by taking every back road on the other side of the mountain. But I am happy for the lilacs blooming and smelling up the house when I open up the windows at night. However bringing nature in the forms of flowers inside is apparently offensive to Andrew's nose...much like carrot thyme soup and any spiced Indian food. It was a damn near miracle for him to give me flowers on my birthday much less let me keep them in the house. Right now it is dusk and the frogs are chirping their love songs to each other. Rupert and Moz have found their respective cozy places on the open window sills. I can hear their little bird calling meows. Ah, Spring! Seeing leaves on the trees is always a shock to me and I try and remember what they looked like when they're bare. Just as I try and remember what they looked like green in the deep of winter. How 6 months fools with your memory!

This Sunday is Andrew's birthday. Humble man that he is asked for cupcakes from me. He is also gathering any game system he can to have a major gaming blowout party complete with Guitar hero, dance revolution and American Idol Kareoke. What can I say, he is head over heels in love with Wii, and if I wasn't already married to him, I would develop a horrible jealousy. Who am I kidding, I AM green with jealousy about this Wii. Maybe it's just as well he spends all that time playing Zelda...I still have papers to do....

We are also soon approaching our first anniversary. All I can say is I'm still totally gaga for this guy and I look forward to the years ahead. Besides my clock sounds louder these days....babies? How bout it, hon? Not til he beats Zelda.....or climbs v12...which ever comes first. I imagine it will be pretty lowkey as far as anniversary celebrations go....dinner and a movie maybe.

We'll live it up when we get out to Colorado next month. I'm super psyched to be
1.traveling
and
2.going back to Colorado of which I haven't seen since I was 6.
My vague memories of living near the Rockies have influenced where I live and where I feel tied to since. I knew I wanted to go to SUNY New Paltz because of the ridge of mountains, the Gunks, that made up the backdrop of campus. It felt wholy familiar to me. Traveling through Italy, nothing made me feel closer to home than views of mountains, riding trains through them. I'd take a mountain lake over a beach anyday.

I used to think of myself as primarily a landscape painter when I was an undergrad, before I discovered Italy and frescos and Giotto and Simone Martini. This area, the Hudson Valley is the perfect place to be for landscapes. The tradition continues still, although I don't consider myself a landscape painter much these days. Don't want to add another banal landscape to the lot...others do it much better than I. Heck, nature beats paint anyday!

Speaking of art, this Saturday will be the (short) opening for the What We Do: Art of Dia: Beacon's Gallery Attendants. Although I no longer work for Dia, I will be showcasing a video I made. This is the first video I've made so I'm not sure how technically it will all work out. I'll be using it in conjunction with an installation project for my Art Education class. I'll be sure to post pictures of it once that's up next week. I'm not really sure how it's going to work out as I have a slightly vague idea of what materials I'll use and how I'll arrange them once I put it all together. I have a feeling that it's a much larger undertaking than I realize. Seems more and more like it's too much work to be worth it...but we'll see....

Below is the film itself. The sound quality is pretty rotten unfortunately, but I'm still just learning how to do all this...
Through:Time 2007

Think Pink!

2007-03-21T14:45:00.000-04:00

So today is the first day of spring but it sure doesn't look like it these days. After the latest largish snow storm this weekend, we also ended up with a few more inches the other night. Have to say that I love it when everything is clean white and all the shadows of the trees stretch long and blue. The stream has been freezing over and thawing out every day. In the morning it's slow and glassy. I'll miss that this summer....

Meanwhile my garden still awaits me under the snow and I've begun to wonder what I'll plant this year. I think I might build some sort of above level box (I know there's some name for it but I forgot) but I haven't decided what vegetable and herbs I'd like to grow, tomatoes, basil, rosemary, thyme, squash I'd like to have flowers too but there's only so much space...and so much time to take care of...

This week is spring break for SUNY New Paltz. I still have to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday at Dia:Beacon and today for Playback, as well as read for each of my classes, do a lesson plan and study for a test when I get back to classes. I went today to the studio for 2 hours and worked on my giraffe painting which I haven't seen since January. School makes me feel guilty when it comes to the studio......

For awhile in the beginning stages of creating this blog, I had the idea of making a blog along the lines of the crafty/cooking blogs I admire. I started to take pictures of every good frittata or loaf I'd make, every knitted project in it's various stages of completion (or non-completion)! Nevertheless, I could never figure out a way to seamlessly add them into the artsy side of the blog. Besides, there are TONS of girls making and doing like I can only imagine. Who would want to really read about my hooded scarf? Apparently yarn geeks like myself! However lately I've been pulled into Posie's world of picking up anything and making something and then everyone else's response. Ms. Alicia's posts for the past month or so have me envisioning whipping up some heirloom 'ghans myself, though I've had to learn how to crochet in the first place! Apparently everyone else in blogworld (at least the crafty blogworld) has had the same idea. Now there are at least two new blogs documenting various knitters or crocheters' response at Alicia's work.

And in a way this mirrors my own responses in art to art as evident in my latest Self-Portrait series posing as other women artists. In creating a work that responds to another work, one is continuing the dialogue, putting your two cents worth. I see it as an important part of my own work as creating a new version of another work frames my work with history and context. A contemporary version of something (Puccini's La Boheme vs. Rent, Children of Men vs the Nativity Story to name a few) is not just merely an updated story, but responds to the universal themes within a story, a painting, a poem and shows them to still be essential to the modern day life.

So what does this have to do with granny squares and ripple blankets? Well, the tradition of these crafts spans generations of women, and when we join in on making and comparing stiches and string we're continuing the same traditions of women before us, creating a community which fosters so much more than our creations but ourselves. How often do we giggle at the thought of quilting bees, old ladies sitting around and gabbing while they sew? Well, we may be all a bit more spread out than before, location and age-wise, but it's still the same concept. It may seem that I'm figuring this crochet thing on my own but I really couldn't have done it without all of you crafty bloggers out there who make it look so easy!

Welcome Back

2007-03-05T15:17:00.000-05:00

So here I am, pushing back the loads of papers written and books and photocopied readings that have been buried under for the past few months. Going back to school has been more of a shock to the system than I thought! Not only do professors reel off lectures faster than I can possible take notes but they also expect you to read epics overnight! Nevermind that the other "kids" in the classes are completely incapable of forming a cohesive rationale.....Since when did college feel like high school all over again with the inane cellphone conversations and massive amounts of busywork? I barely studied for my Child Psych test and I got a 94, meanwhile everyone else is freaking out over 2 chapters and oh! it was so much information! Augh! Every week is a combination of Pound-My-Head-Against-the-Wall-These-Classes-are-Mind-Numbingly-Easy or Tear-My-Hair-Out-I'll-Never-Have-A-Spare-Moment-to-Think-I'm-so-Busy. Today is one of the first days since school started in Jan that I thought I could actually squeeze in a moment of blogging.
All in all, my classes are enjoyable if I just disregard everyone else in them. Andrew says I'm approaching it too much like a grad student. Only this is a second UNDERgrad degree, so I'm starting from the bottom like everyone else (very soon to move quickly up the ranks, nevertheless). I find that the overachiever in me is creeping out again. I sit up front, I'm the first to raise my hand "ooo, ooo I know! I know!", heck, i'll even interrupt or correct the teacher! So I have to learn to bite my tongue more and actually allow an opportunity for the sometimes sober freshmen to contribute.*Sigh* How many days left til I graduate?!

In other news, I've had a bit of a development in the career chapter. I've been busy organizing a show with two former collegues of mine for a local arts organization. It was a great opportunity to see what everyone has been up to since graduation. Ironically enough, we're all at about the same place, trying to find some niche, some sense of belonging and credibility, satisfaction in creating and working. I found at the opening a great sense of community again with these people I haven't seen in a while. I had almost forgotten how much shows like this, making opportunities for oneself and one's friends really help to boost the morale, that we don't have to feel left out of the scene, we can MAKE the scene.

Alternatively I have a show up elsewhere (Water St Markets) in New Paltz with the latest piece, like those throughout this post. The space is sponsored by the same organization so it's nice to have a bit of an "in". Hope to sell some stuff. Get some leads, etc. I haven't been to the studio since before school which is killing me...*and yet, I sit here and write...* But I half expected this to be the case once school started and hopefully it won't be so busy next semester...and HOPEFULLY I get the residency in Vermont this summer. Even 2 weeks would be a welcome getaway to paint in the forests!

Thank heavens for the recent snow we've had over the past few weeks, though most including Andrew wouldn't agree. It finally feels right to me to have the snow and ice. That warm weird weather we had before was just throwing me off, I felt so unsettled. Just as long as its not conducive for cross-country skiiers to rent gear from Rock & Snow, that's all Andrew cares about!

On the domestic front, attempts at bread baking, cookie making, crocheting blankies have taken up any space not already given over to reading, writing and working and reluctant milk fetchery. How does she do it all, folks? I haven't the foggiest, must be something in the water......

Winter wishes

2007-01-10T18:27:00.000-05:00

Wow! So it's been a year since I blundered into this crazy thing called blogs! Time really flies when you're not really paying attention to it! It's been a whirlwind of a year between weddings, working, painting and trying to figure out (always) what the heck I want to do the rest of my life! Thanks to all who stop by and occasionally leave me little notes! Please feel free to tell me more, I love to hear from you!

Unfortunately my camera's battery is dead so I haven't been able to take some exciting photos of my newest new stuff. I'm very excited about it, even slight precious and cautious of it because I think it's really leading to some awesome work. Let's just say it involves dead deer, St Catherine (part II) and various little girl accessories strewn about. So you'll just have to wait.....as patiently as you can!

Now if only it will snow.......

Manny Tristmas and Happy New Yeah!

2006-12-22T19:29:00.000-05:00

So the Christmas madness is at it's peak. I had about 3 days where I felt completely frazzled at the mere thought of shopping and worrying about what to get everyone and can I make all my gifts in a week and o my god should I even attempt at going to the mall!!! ack....it's enough to almost snuff out your Christmas spirit! I was listening to Christmas songs on the radio and came near to bawling in my car at the thought of all those Christmases past and woe, the lost of my childhood! This wild hysteric behavior beholden to women of my age (so they say) is more likely due to the usual hormonal conspiracies of the month or faintly related to the growing ticking of my dancing baby clock...nah, couldn't be! Or it could also be because I have been immersing myself in fairy tale-like books and movies and mind wanderings. (Thoroughly enjoyed Bruno Bettleham's The Uses of Enchantment and Sonheim's musical Into the Woods, makes you look at your favorite fairy tales in a whole new light-slippers, Oediapal complexes and the like) I didn't even get to finish making my own Christmas tree and decorations. Ah, well maybe next year.....

Here are the latest from the studio. Actually. No, I lie. These are a couple of weeks old and some still in progress as you see. One of my biggest problems working is once I start a piece and get to a point of semi completion, I suddenly get stuck, hit a wall, lose the initial energy. It takes me awhile to see the whole painting. Like my angry little girl in the chair or dead deer in the field paintings, they just take what feels like for me FOREVER to be finished. Maybe this is because I'm impatient to see a finished painting, or the nature of my medium, gouache or acrylic dries so fast for me to be able to work quickly before I can fully understand the images as I make them. I guess it's just the nature of the art and the artist to create it's own obstacles. I suppose how I face problems in the studio directly relates to how I face problems in life at large. Honestly I'd rather just let it sit and simmer on the back burner if I have to or figure that's it's a dead end and to dismiss it altogether. Sometimes certain pieces stop talking to me that I have to put them away only to pull them out months, even years later and then see something new worth pulling out and playing with again. Not always the best way to go but I'm working on it.

With these last series of images I've enjoyed playing around with acrylic again, now on wood surfaces. I'm playing with layers and luminousity much like oils first excited in me before I got to caught up in the fumes (and cost and cleanup). With winter finally here, I feel a urge to hibernate or wonder what I would do or where I would go if I was in the woods now, not necessarily lost but wandering. To me it was always a place of taking great comfort in solitude, of being in coexistence with animals and nature, of letting all outside pressures of home or work or people disappear. I just want to notice the light and the long shadows and the bareness, starkness of it all. Of course fully decked out in warm, wooly coats and mittens and scarves and the like.

Here's what Andrew thinks is a portrait of him and me. It is pretty true to form. I did imagine the female character striking a pose at the mere idea of doing yet another sinkful of dishes....."nah, screw you, YOU do the dishes, dear!"

And last but not least, to melt your cold, cold hearts into sugar....

Happenings

2006-11-28T21:12:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving was yummy and relaxing. I'm trying to keep the Christmas season at bay for a bit more. I always feel a little panicked and funnily enough, slightly broke around this time of year. Andrew's a bit of a humbug which tends to put a damper on the Christmas spirit. I swear this year I'll get away with a tree somewhere! But I've enjoyed reading about other's pre-Christmas decorations and such. Makes mejealous

We're deep into those dark days here up north. I love waiting for the shortest day of the year just to comforted by the fact that from then on the days are getting longer. I've been putting in lots of hours in the studio these days. My work week really only lasts two days, so "la dee da" I've got a 5 day weekend. Working at the Dia has it's advantages that I can at least brainstorm ideas and sketch a bit. I keep kicking myself for sleeping in late most days so I don't even get to the studio til noonish and really, that only gives me a couple hours of daylight. Can't complain though, I've been quite a busy bee as I proudly display my latest little ones.

I like the look of the silhouetts of the trees now that they're bare and stark against the sky. In the evening the light stretches their shadows over the hills so you can feel the contour of the land. I've been playing with my little girl images, adapting a warmer wardrobe, but still as moody as usual.

I've been flipping through my grandmother's illustrated books from when she was young for the images of the children. I always read "East of the Sun, West of the Moon" every time I used to visit her. I liked it because it was of the few fairy tales where the girl saves the prince, although they happen to illustrate the part where the prince defends her against the various ugly troll women, the girl in best damsel in distress pose. O dear me!

Here's also the animal versions I've been toying around. Lots of fairy tales running around in my head-The Bremmentown Musicians, anything Beatrix Potter, fables and so on. I was trying to think what would be the best animal to represent me. Unfortunately I don't think I have enough of a devil-may-care attitude like my cats. Maybe I'm more like a rabbit or a mouse. Too easily spooked! Then again I am as stubborn as a mule......There must be some internet quiz to find this out!?

And just because little by little I'm turning into a crazy cat lady (only 2 so far, but....) I had to leave y'all with this picture of Rupert smirking at the camera. He likes to lay across my shoulders and nap when I'm on the computer or washing dishes. Both of them have been keeping me company while Andrew's been away jet setting on his various climbing forays. For someone who travels so often, he still complains about the actual traveling part. And really he's just a homebody, a creature of habit. Now if only I could get rid of that Nintendo.....

Transition-upheaval, karma?

2006-10-27T17:54:00.000-04:00

So here I am a month older or so than our last post. Yes, it has been quite an eventful month! The leaves are in peak color now here in the Hudson Valley. We're deep in apple pie season and soon to be pumpkin pie season-yum! I always forget each year how much I enjoy the autumn. The beginning of it always makes me sad for all the things vibrant and alive in the summer and the foreboding notion of snow and darkness around the corner. I think sometimes maybe I just fool myself into believing everyone's cliches of the season-of hating the snow or the heat etc. I really do look forward to the change of seasons; that few weeks when you feel the change of temperature in the air and all the animals and plants prepare for the next season. Makes me feel most alive and most aware of life's cycles.

Offically I've been accepted to SUNY New Paltz's second degree program in Art Education and soon on my way to becoming a teacher. I quit my almost 2 year old job working at the Village Tearoom after a crazy busy weekend in the kitchen which included making dozens of lamb pies over and over, burning turkeys and managing unsuccessfully to keep lunch items stocked while prepping at least 5 tickets of orders the size of grocery lists at a time. Needless to say, this did not make me a better cook! As much of a family they've become to me, I feel for sure now that this is the best time for me to leave...and it seems that this decision was quite serendipitous.....

First, Monday I have an interview with the Dia Art center in Beaconfor a gallery attendant job. Basically a "don't touch the art" sort of job but one that I can wear nice clothes and not get too stressed out about. AND it's within an art field! Second, I have a modelling gig/studio assistant opportunity with a local illustrator/artist which could lead to good networking and experience.

Thirdly, we got a kitten. Super cute and cuddly and Andrew's hooked. (and me too!) Meet Rupert, our newest addition.
Moz and him took a few days to get used to each other but have commensed in chasing each other around the house (at 2 o'clock in the morning, no less!) and being on their way to cuddly best buds. Today I came home to the silverware spilled out of the dishrack and the laundry basket turned over on the floor.......but I can now sing the CSN song "Our House" with truth!

Here's the latest in studio wanderings. This is a painting I started a year or so ago and lost interest. I picked it up again, thinking I should work on my little girl ideas and doodles again. This is gouache with a little acrylic which I've been tentative in using as of late; using it more as an underdrawing or background color and building the layers of color and light.

The girl and deer painting stemmed from driving into work on a misty fall morning and seeing several dead deer on the side of the road. I think of Neko Case when I think of dead deer which is sort of morbid but she seems to have a fascination with deer, dead or alive. I've been dressing my girls in a bit more British style; Wellies and cardigans and knee socks and Mary Janes. Basically what I want to wear these days! I've been sketching some ideas of children wearing animals heads; deer, foxes, wolves, birds etc. Still too early to see where it's going but it's exciting.

This I've been working on for awhile....well rather living with for awhile. I haven't actually worked on it in a few weeks. I'm working partly from a photo and memory, a memory of a photo from our honeymoon in England. My criticism so far is that the sky is too flat. I've been building up layers of gouaches and then sanding some of it down to soften the cloud effect. The grass is painstakingly detailed as I'm painting in the blades according to the underpainting color. So you can see why I haven't worked on it in a bit. I think I have athritis already!

Here are my patterned blocks that I played with like I did a year ago in Firenze. There's something very soothing in working with patterns or detailed work. I don't look at any pattern in particular but have quilts, tapestries, silk ties, knitting patterns and Yayoi Kusama in mind. Guess it's more work to quiet and clear my mind than any plans for further painting development......

What have you been up to?

2006-09-21T18:00:00.000-04:00

So I can't start every entry with an apology for being lazy and not writing as much as I know you all hope...so here's an umbrella sort of apology for any laziness past, present and future; I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ok with that done...

Made a rather largish decision with Andrew today of returning to SUNY New Paltz to get a second bachelor's degree, this time Art Education with hopes of getting a job and continuing to my Master's. This works instead of me commuting or basically living in the city trying to get my Master's through an accelerated teaching program in 3 years. Instead going to school up here full time means I could have a job teaching in 2 and then take my time in getting my master's so that maybe Andrew can go back to get his. Yes, folks, it seems I've given in to the teaching bug. I denied it all these years when really it's the more practical way of getting by on art. Dang it, I can almost hear my high school guidance counselor saying, "I told you so!"

In other news, the past 2 days have been quite bareable mood-wise. But I do feel a considerably more weepy and blue due to the season change. Dark at 7:30 already...god, I hate that! It's quite funny though how distictly aware one can be of the change from summer to autumn. It's only a moment really when you notice a twinge to the air and the color of the leaves is just off of green, now a green-gold and your vision is suddenly clearer. Everything sparkles. The changes between autumn and fall or spring into summer are less papable than between winter into spring and summer into autumn. It's more or less a shock to our systems, a remembering of time passing.

Andrew and I took a hike today through the woods. It feels good to be out in the sun and not feel so hot. Two weeks ago we went to Storm King Art Center. It's a large piece of land full of outdoor sculptures by notable artists; Alexander Calder, Richard Serra, Andy Goldsworthy, Louise Nevelson, etc. Have to say though that we enjoyed the natural scenery more than most of the installations. The best done I thought that really incorporated form with the landscape was Richard Serra's work and Andy Goldsworthy's wall. Very simple but not obtrusive, really thoughful work.

Andy's wall winds around trees and down into a pond where it appears to come back up on the other side. Apparently he used rocks from the area that were once part of a stone fence when it was farmland. Having returned from England, land of stone fences, I had a great appreciation for the playful but elegent workmanship. Reminds me of Robert Frost, New England, Andrew Wyeth, decaying, winter.

Richard Serra's work, I thought was a departure from his usual large imposing steel pieces. Steel sheets jut out from the hills covered with tall grasses and alfafa, almost like sharks. Yet somehow the rusting of the steel against the natural surroundings subdues their presence. They allow you to notice the undulation of the land and the light.

Suppose that's all from me now.....soon more pictures from my latest adventures in the studio.....

Illustration Friday-Safe

2006-09-01T20:32:00.000-04:00

Here's my first contribution to Illustration Fridays; this week's word being "safe". I've been working on this piece for awhile and finally finished it today. It's gouache (my favorite) on masonite, I forget the dimensions but no bigger than 11x14 I think. Again it's my little girl version of me stuck in the house with my cat on a rainy day...."safe" from the rain but bored to tears no less! Who wants to run out and play in the puddles!?

Generation Debt=Reality Check

2006-08-23T21:43:00.000-04:00

So today was a lazy day off from work. Surprisingly though I did get around to cleaning house and making a batch of chicken stock. My domestic goddess is hidden in there somewhere! My plan of the week now is to make meals for the week ahead and then all I have to do when I get home is just heat it up or boil water. I'm trying to make it as easy as possible to convince Andrew that he can actually cook dinner on those days I'm working in the kitchen and the last thing I want to is handle more food.....we'll see though, he's an incredibly stubborn man. Fortunately I'm an incredibly stubborn woman...

Went to the library to pick up some new reading material. Rosendale library is usually a pretty pitiful selection, but I found Nigella's How to be a Domestic Goddess baking book (must be the reason for my suddent enthusiasm for cooking ahead), a book on depression because I have to learn all there is to know before I can hand myself over to a therapist (and it's cheaper) and the following which I just started reading; Generation Debt: Why now is a terrible time to be young (god do I know it!). And I can't put it down today which I guess explains the general lack of productivity today. It's written by a young journalist regarding the financial strain on 20 to 30 year olds and basically nails it on the head regarding the phenomenon of "adultescence"; blaming the cost of college, financial aid (or lack therof), credit card debt, failing health care and Social Security and the aging of society. Raise your hand out there if your debt has you eating the leftovers from your cafe job for the next 20 years! It's a great eye-opening piece for all ages as any patriarchal, capitalist system offers multiple inequalities at everyone's expense. It's just that most of us are like goldfish, completely oblivious. Also check out her blog for more info. You owe yourself at least to know what you're getting yourself into!
Went for a bit of a drive later and took some more exciting "drive-by" landscape pics as you can see. That was my creative undertaking for the day. Off to the studio tomorrow..yeah!

works in progress

2006-08-18T21:07:00.000-04:00

These are the latest studio endeavors....always need several things going to take my mind off of each for awhile and let me live around them. The latest "self-portrait" of sorts is what I've worked on since I started it in April. **see 4/23 post "Thoughts..response...I'm getting old"** Can't decide if I should have the apple trees change in season as they go back into the horizon. My box meanwhile seems a little too cool in tone for me...

The landscape is working from one of the many photos taken on the honeymoon. This was in Northumberland, very moorish, Wuthering Heights country. The sky has been quite a test of patience for me as I work on it in layers but very little at a time until it dries to see how it turns out. Trying the Andrew Wyeth technique of dashing some color on and then leaving the studio, waiting to see the results when I come back!
Here I've been trying to also build a illustration portfolio of sorts. The two kids scene has been a composition I've worked on since college. The little girl character I use so often came to me from this pose first. She blew me away when I first drew her because it was like looking at myself or a long lost friend. Now I just wish she would grow up sometimes!

Show @ The Village Tea Room

2006-07-06T21:39:00.000-04:00

Howdy everyone! ...yes it's been awhile but I had to cool down after the past month or so and come off my wedding high.

So today was a productive day in the studio, framing and matting my work to be hung at the Village Tearoom in New Paltz. If any of you are in the area for the next month, please stop in and admire the work, if at least to stay long enough for some yummy scones! I painted several little landscapes today. I figured my latest strategy to get work done even when I can't make it to the studio is to drive around and work plein air when the view strikes. Art a la guerilla! Headed over to Butterville Rd (one of my favorite scenic routes) to paint in this large field of high grass and wildflowers. It was a good summer cloud day too with lots of dramatic puffy clouds.

Also started a piece on masonite board based on a sketch I did in Scotland when we were leaving Isle of Skye. Acrylics are my latest fascination although I think maybe this piece in particular might work best in oil. Maybe I'll try several versions. No want of figures lately either. Only landscapes...the Hudson Valley just lives for paintings!

For more information about the show (you can of course always contact me) or...
Amy Mottola: Look at me!
July 11-Aug?
Village Tearoom Restaurant and Bake Shop
10 Plattekill Ave
New Paltz, NY
closed monday
255-3434

Honeymooning in the UK

2006-06-15T10:41:00.000-04:00

Bouldering in Dumbarton, Scotland

Skull and cross bones in Edinburgh cemetery, Kirkfriars Abbey

Amy and Andrew in Glasgow

Andrew looking out on Edinburgh from the castle

The locals look on
Amy in a tree

How goofy are we!

Driving through Scottish Mts to Glen Nevis

Perfect weather in English countryside

Amy and "Aslan" in Edinburgh Castle

Just got back yesterday from our 17 day tour of Northern England and Scotland. We started out in the Peak District outside of Manchester and did various routes and boulder problems, facing unusual cold and wind. Next we head north via the Lake District, stop to visit William Wordsworth's house and stayed in Carisle for the night.

The following day we saw Hadrian's Wall and an excavated fort from the Roman era, then onto Northumberland for a bit more bouldering then to Edinburgh. There we visited the castle and saw the crown jewels of Scotland (big whoop really), went a couple of modern art museums and Kirkfriar Abbey's cemetery. Next day we went to a couple more art museums and the writer's museum, hiked in the Holyrood park which had gorgeous views of the city and the sound.

We drove up north to Glen Nevis and camped practially under Ben Nevis the tallest mt in UK. Beautiful setting for Andrew to do some mediocre bouldering. Took the ferry out to Isle of Skye and camped again at the foot of amazing moutains with the beach at our feet. Passed a beautiful waterfall with crystal blue pools...unfortunately the camera battery was dead at that point so we have no pictures of that part of the trip.

Drove back south to Glasgow and stayed a couple of houses away from the Glasgow School of Art which I applied to for graduate school a couple of years back. Very artsy and young city, even down to the "charming" bar scene of Scottish ragamuffins. Dragged Andrew to several blah art collections and the horribly campy and long "DaVinci Code". Ate Indian food til we were sick, but that could have also been the huge English/Scottish breakfasts of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, hash potatoes, tomatoes, mushrooms, haggis, black pudding etc....uck, no wonder so many English seemed pudgey!

Back to the Peak District to squeeze in a couple more routes and bouldering problems. Last day we made it to the Coal mining museum and got to go down to a real coal mine, head lamps and all. Between my stiff neck at the beginning of the trip, my runny nose developing into a horrible cough, and a thrown out back due to sneezing towards the end of the journey, I'm amazed I did as well as I did and as much as I did!

All in all, UK is expensive (duh!) and 17 days is a long time to spend with one person regardless if they're your husband, but we had fun with the best we could do. But we won't be taking any 2 week vacations together for a bit!

Wedding day-Amy and Andrew, May 20th

2006-05-26T17:48:00.000-04:00

Thoughts....response....I am getting old

2006-04-23T17:48:00.000-04:00

The following I received from a friend of mine who has served as a great resource of reflection and ideas, (as well as supporting my art) regarding the drawing of the veiled female figure sitting with a bowl of fruit I started working on in my studio a couple weeks ago. *see In the Studio entry*

"I wonder if the Freudian undertones have escaped your attention. When I read it, I see in the veiled woman the Bride, obviously. The fruit spilling into the background...what does fruit represent? Vitality, Sustenance, Life itself? Or, more ominously, being spilled from her lap: Fertility? A blossoming orchard fading into the horizon? Could it be the height of youth and growth, the springtime of life, suddenly disappearing into a structured, condensed future? The freedom of the Nietzschian life instinct, the very life-blood of mankind, suddenly drawn into the background? .....
The question that I am led to is this, one which has long bothered me as a sort of poet myself: The artist is bound so inescapably to the sensual aspect of life, the unity of feeling with the understanding of the effect of the corresponding sensory perception. You are about to marry. I commend it, certainly; never let it be said that I am against such covenants! But I wonder, in what way does marriage affect your ability, as an artist, to experience the sensual? I am a strong believer in the importance of contracts in society. Does the marriage contract in any way interfere with the artist's capacity for emotively feeling her subjects?"

To respond.....
I did in fact have those thoughts of fruit particularly placed in lap as a symbol of fertility, of womanhood supposedly coming to fruition within the concept of marriage (rather the traditional concept of marriage; sex, children, motherhood within marriage). I've had several dreams involving fruit. One particuarly vivid dream involving my younger brother and sister and I frolicing within a huge field of sunflowers and the seasons changing all around us. We sat under a tree with silver leaves which we blew off and I thought of how beautiful they were and I missed them. My sister and I stood up and apples and pears fell out from under our dresses.

Obviously I've been concerned with recently the constant shift in life, in nature and within myself. I've been trying to downplay this wedding to an extent because I've always been a fairly humble person and I don't feel the need to draw so much attention to myself, particularly to my intimate relationship. As far as I'm concerned, such matters really only involve me and my future husband. The wedding has also been a great source of familial struggle, mostly between my mom and myself, both of us trying to adjust to the changes within our lives and relating to each other on a different leve. The way we used to interact doesn't feel as genuine, as if each of us is disinterested in how the other lives. I feel suddenly and acutely the act of aging. The struggle between my inner child (or the selfish part of me that won't give up the instinct to be impetuous and irresponsible) and my growing adult ego ebbs and flows, but more and more I feel the need to really grow up and stop pretending to be an adult. It's all really been an act until now.

Maybe after the winter when the colors are so drab, spring allows us a shock to our system. It wakes us up to our possibilities that take seed in us, the bulbs laid down last fall and summer. Seeing new leaves and flowers popping out of the ground makes me more aware of my body and the growth within me. All of my horoscopes in the Chronogram (title link, hint, Aries) the past few months keep alluding to this moment coming soon in me, this turning point of awareness and awakening. I think firstmost that this alludes to the wedding, the impending marriage to someone who may be intensely stubborn and critical, but who always thinks of me as a work of great potential in progress. But maybe that's too easy. I place too much emphasis on what everyone else thinks or has planned for me than I do, I've let people make those decisions and interpretations for me.

Maybe it's more do to with coming into my own adulthood finally, as I recognize it as a constant transformation.

Spring evening landscapes

2006-04-13T21:06:00.000-04:00

Been without a car for the past week and most like indefinately until I buy a new one (due to my own ignorance regarding oil lights). Lucky enough to have my dad's car for the next week while they're on break, so off I went at dusk to catch the last bits of spring light from a beautiful day. These are the latest excitements of my creative timeline. Haven't been able to make it to the studio since the last entry...due of course to transportation difficulties. Thinking that these might make some interesting landscape paintings...been itching to work with landscape again....feeling that wanderlust in my bones again.......

P.S. If anyone out there is passing through, please leave a little message of encouragement, constructive criticism, feedback, etc. A friendly "How's my driving?" if you will. Thanks for all who visit!

in the studio....

2006-04-02T19:11:00.000-04:00

So the employment gods allowed me a temporary switch in shifts this past Sat and I didn't have to be at work til 5. Thanks Natalie for having something else to do that night!!! Therefore it also allowed me to sleep in a bit (such a luxury these days) AND go to the studio the first time in a month. Thankfully it's a bit warmer out so I didnt' even have to put on the heat.

My window faces a big open field and it was a rainy day which made the grass stand out so green that I couldn't help but want to paint it. I did a couple of little quick acrylic landscapes trying to keep my colors pure and not mix too much but take them as I saw them in the sky, the bare trees across the way and the green, green grass (so exciting to see more of that color these days too!)

I still have to find a way to hang my mirror (and a place). So much I feel of my first few visits to my studio has been about taking stock of what I have and what I need and fixing it up a bit. I hung and "stretched" some good paper that I finally bought on the wall in a row, hoping that I'll get back into working on several pieces at a time.

Okay, then I sat for a bit and looked over my most recent sketches, looking for really anything that popped out at me or stuck with me as a good image to start with. Found a figure sketch from my Florence sketchbook of a female sitting in a closed, withdrawing, insecure gesture. I've always had a thing for the way models are posed in fashion magazine, gestures simultaneously verging on sexual submissiveness and sexual aggression, from very bored to very forward. I did a quick sketch changing the gesture to still very closed or shy, but more neutral I suppose or more positive rather. Usually when I get an idea for a painting, it starts from a sketch, a very loose sketch maybe from the sidelines of a notebook. I want more to get the feeling from the image than the specifics. That I work out more in the actual painting.

So far I'm thinking of a female figure sitting with a bowl of fruit spilling from her lap, her head and her upper body are slightly obscured by a veil she's wearing. This is the inlet picture while the background or patterned background (like the homemade paper I used to use) will be something like an apple orchard in the spring with all the blossoms going back to the horizon. The obvious metaphors can be made between the woman and the fruit, but I think there's more to it as I work on it.....

Buon Fresco technique and pictures!!!

2006-03-31T19:02:00.000-05:00

The following are the frescos I did while in Firenze (Florence) this past fall. This first one of the series is the first one I executed working from a Renaissance fresco source. Basically it was our first attempt at working with the medium. I unfortunately did not get a picture of the "sinopia" for this piece as you can really finish this pieces from sinopia to finished fresco within the day. Hey, they don't call it Buon Fresco for nothing!

Here is the sinopia or underdrawing/sketch on the "arricio" layer. You start out by mixing a mixture of lime to a coarse sand for the first layer of a fresco. We did our work on a terracotta base so it soaked up the moisture from the plaster mixture well. You can also adhere fresco to wood but it requires also installing a chicken wire of sorts to the wood to give the plaster something to hold onto without warping the wood too much. To get the drawing on the plaster, we used a "cartone" or cartoon which is the drawing with the outlines and most important details of the sketch poked out with a pin. We place this on the moist "arricio" and using a pouch full of charcoal dust, pounced the paper on the outline punctures to imprint the outline on the plaster. You can also use a stick to draw the picture on the wet plaster but this creates an actual imprint in the surface. After we pounce the image onto the plaster we use a wet brush to connect the dots so to say. The "sinopia" stage of a fresco allows the artist to get a feel for the image on the surface and work with the values of shadows and highlights within the form before actually painting it.

Here is the finished piece of a Raphael painting of his supposed secret wife, the baker's daughter. The work is originally an oil painting but the flesh tones translated well in the fresco medium. Basically, I found fresco to be a relatively easy medium in painting since it works much like watercolors or gouache (my preferred medium). Ground pigments are mixed with water and applied in layers to create intensity and form.

These last two are a detail and whole picture of a fresco I actually did on a wall in the school I was taking the fresco workshop. It's based on a previous painting I did for my BFA show. "St Catherine Exchanges her Heart with Christ" is set in Siena, Italy in Il Campo, the main square in the city. St Catherine of Siena is the patron saint of Siena and Italy. The original oil painting of this is almost in a predella form or alterpiece with four panels that depict the space of the piazza and the Palazzo pubblico that stands in front. The little girl character was one I've been working with for several years and basically takes on my inner persona in many forms. In this case she's a little saint! The image of her holding her heart out to a robin is also referencing to a Late Gothic Sienese piece of the same title. The bird image was used in many Madonna and Child portraits of that era as a foreshadowing of the Christ's passion.

Working on the wall itself was really no different than working on the ceramic tiles, but I did really notice how much planning ahead goes into creating a fresco. Once you've started the top layer of plaster (which is a 1:1 ratio of lime to a finer sand) you have to finish the painting completely before the plaster dries (basically a day to a few hours, *the Golden Hour). Whatever you don't finish must be chipped off at the end of the day and fresh plaster must be mixed and applied on top of the "arricio" the next time you work. There is the option of fresco "a secco" or dry brush, but then the paint must be mixed with a glue mixture and even then the paint is more likely to weather. When the paint is applied on the wet plaster and allowed to dry completely, a chemical reaction occurs between the two allowing the pigment to crystalize and bond to the plaster. That's why frescos from centuries ago still exist in relatively good condition.

Lucien Freud portraits

2006-03-04T17:48:00.000-05:00

Ok, sorry for everyone who really doesn't care...(please get on with the art!) but I had to post this since I finally found my dress. Honestly I've been dreaming about it for several nights now, so I guess that's when you know you've found the right dress. Funny, I didn't think I'd be the one to fall for that kind of wedding mumbo jumbo anyway. I'm trying not to, at least, but it creeps in....the favors, the linens, the music at the ceremony, yada yada....

Just want to take the length up a bit that what's shown to a tea length and possibly a crinoline skirt underneath to pouff it up a bit...okay nuff said...more later when I get fitted!
* * *
In other news, sold a couple of sketches today that I did while I was in Firenze. I'd like to frame the Self-Portraits soon so they are ready to be hung at the Tea Room, but as the wedding machine tends to eat more of my hard-earned money these days, I might have to cheap it out. Anyone out there make their frames!?

Bought some art books (despite the financial crunch) to get inspired in my NEW studio space (more pics on that later too). Got my Lucien Freud book in yesterday and it's quite lovely. I fell quite in love with his work this past trip to Italy when Andrew and I went to Venice. He had a retrospective at the Museo dell' Correr in conjunction with the Biennele (which btw, was a bit boorish for the most part). The show truly made up for what we saw later at the Biennele. Since I've just been getting into portraiture, it was a great learning experience for me. The way he uses paint in broad, visceral strokes is very captivating for the overall presence of the portrait. Some people might see his portraits as ugly, as one of my painter friends said. But I think Freud took modern portraiture to a whole new level with his use of thick paint and seemingly unflattering lighting and color. His nudes take on such an earthly quality and distinct personality, much like Alice Neel's portraits. ( I'm waiting also for a Neel art book too!)

Freud's portraits and nudes also state a change in the artist/model exchange within the painting. Portraiture historically portrays individuals of wealth or prestige with the artist at the time gaining a reputation for the specific people they paint, i.e Sargent and the Madame X portrait. Freud's models are the people around him, that he knows well and are not particularly famous or rich, but rather everyday folk. Myself, I think I prefer this sort of relationship between the artist and one's model such as Alice Neel, Andrew Wyeth. This relationship creates a secret dialogue, a familiar intimacy within the picture that we, as the viewer recognize because there is a certain amount of care in the depiction of the individual. This is not saying portraits of well-known people or models the artist is not familiar with are not depicted with care. But this relationship likens closer to the ideal of self-portraiture. The artist knows what they look like and sees one's self often to know when the painting does or does not resemble oneself. Same goes for painting a friend, a lover, a family member.

The thing with Freud's paintings that stand out among most modern portraiture for me is that these people feel real and the paintings give weight and depth to their personalities. There is no superficiality but that does not mean he paints with such seriousness as to lose the lightness and impermanence of being.

Kamehamaha portraits!!

2006-02-18T18:12:00.000-05:00

So the above pictures is the completed (finally!) Christmas painting I made for Andrew. Although at the rate I finished it, it was nearly a Valentine's present! Anyway, he's very happy with it and I am pleased too with the re-learning process with oil paints and the new materials I discovered-paint pens. I think the pens might be a better way for me to incorporate drawing more into painting. I enjoy drawing so much more. A lot of my earlier pieces in undergrad were rooted in drawing, lines specifically. I always wanted to draw more in my paintings....filling in between the lines always bored me the most!

But for the most part, even the style, despite being very different than my own, was an experience. Manga or Japanimation style is quite interestingly graphic. Human bodies, the musculature reminds me of even Matisse or Egon Schiele in the efficiency of the use of line.

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Below are some pictures also from my recent "show" at the student gallery at SUNY New Paltz in my old Smiley Arts Building. I miss my studio! My friend Renee invited me to show with her as she found out she had the space quite last minute and wasn't sure if she would have enough work to fill the space. It felt a bit weird to be hanging a show in the student gallery, especially since I haven't been a student in almost 3 years, but it was still a good turn out of students and my own friends from the community that I invited. Of course I was all dolled up too in my vintage dress and crazy tights from Italy! Somebody's gotta play the part!

I hung the recent work I did in Italy along (the Self-portrait as Artist) with the Saint series I did 2 years ago. They had a great dialogue between them, maybe for the sheer fact that they are all depictions of me. But the evolution in skill between the two series was most eye-opening for me. Many people came up to say how lively each picture was, as if each had a distinct personality. Well, yes I suppose they would, even if they're all me, but really me as all these different people. Honestly I look at myself differently now and the people I use to represent me are very much different than the Saints. On the opposite side of the gallery, I hung the patterned pieces I did before I started the Artist series, along with some sketches from my journal in Italy and some portraits from in between the Saints and Artist series.

Unfortunately the photos Andrew took don't really show the work itself hung together and I never got a chance to do so myself during the week it was up. Good news is my "boss" said I could hang my stuff after the latest show in the Tea Room comes down. Also got a commission from a friend and the possibility of another from a Tea Room regular.

Wedding plans continue despite my dream where Andrew forgets the marriage license

2006-01-28T18:17:00.000-05:00

So I'm back to work again at my beloved Tea Room in New Paltz. Heck of a lot more work than Mohonk, but at least the people I work with and for are much nicer and I get my tips in cash, instead of my paycheck with everything taken out of it! Besides the food is amazing and I'm so spoiled for working there. Cream puffs, homemade marshmallows, the best salads ever and all the tea you can drink. It's only been one week and I've forgotten how tiring it is waitressing. My feet are beat! But I'm so happy to making money seeing how all my debts have been racking up since I've been home. Agnes also offered me a show to hang my new portraits up next month. Just got to get them matted and framed..oy the more expenses!

I've put off the illustration and teaching ideas for a bit and tried more to plan the wedding. The Tea Room will most likely cater it and at least I know the food will be good (if not a little pricey). I've been dreaming about searching for dresses and I go into stores and look around and see nothing I like which is much the same when I look at bride magazine (yes I've broken down and bought one!) I just want a simple vintage poufy short Audrey Hepburn dress, I don't even care if it's not white! Wedding dresses look the same these days anyway....everyone wants the princess fairy tale look....the I'm-the-center-of-attention but I'm too modest for that. I just want a dress that I don't have to spend a fortune on and still look unique and wear it again. If anyone knows of any good vintage internet shops or stores in NYC or designers, please let me know! I've got less than 4 months to go and according all those timelines on wedding planners, I was supposed to have it 4 months ago! Every dress I liked in www.vintageous.com is sold and in a lot of other sites.

Then there's the registry.....how do you nail down your style or rather two people's styles down to one set dinnerware? Do I really need china!? It's a bit ridiculous if you ask me that just because I'm getting married, I should then be blessed to receive all this stuff that I could've used on my own or when I moved into Andrew's place to begin with. Weddings are a funny thing; they bring the best intentions and worst results out of everyone. I'll just be happiest when we're finally married and we can really start planning a life together.

Amy's Andrew Wyeth day

2006-01-16T14:07:00.000-05:00

Went into the city yesterday to for a family baptism. Luckily everyone seemed happy and interested in hearing about my recent travels and my mom wasn't in boasting overdrive. Sometimes I feel very distant from my own family, but happily, this wasn't one of those occasions. Annouced my wedding plans, which still makes me self-conscious in a way to talk about it. I don't know where these little neuroses come from! But I have the possibility of painting some murals of sorts for my aunt and uncle on LI. Have to see the new color of the living room and go from there, once I have some time.

Other than that, not much else new on the artistic front. Moz, my hefty almost 16 lbs cat is purring beside me as I type this. I took a nice drive around the area after yoga, up to Woodstock and Phoenicia and around the reservoir. Despite the chill, it's a beautiful clear day. This area always reminds me of something out of a Robert Frost poem or an Andrew Wyeth painting. Stark fields, stone walls, faded wood, red barns against white snow. Winter is still enjoyable for me, like a long hibernation into the self. I feel very small and insular, but hopeful, now that the days are getting longer (bit by bit).

Lessons in painting with oils....again

2006-01-13T14:04:00.000-05:00

Not much new since I've last been on. I've just been working on Andrew's Christmas painting..needless to say, late Christmas painting. But I've been working in oils which I haven't done in awhile so it's been a re-learning process for me. I forgot how oils sort of dictate the pace of a painting's development. It's given me more time to look and slow down my application. I'm mostly a water-based medium, gouache and such so the results are nearly instant. It's also a matter of momentum or energy I invest in the painting, the idea. Most of the time I work quickly to get the image out. I do little prelimary sketching, maybe the intial idea came from a sketch in my book or a photo. I get quite anxious to work it out and get the feeling down. Because gouache doesn't allow for many mistakes alot of my work is sketchy and loose in quality, sort of free and impressionistic in it's application. I've noticed though that this style doesn't quite translate as well in oils. I've had to deal at first with what looked like a very immature painting...granted it is a portrait of Andrew and I as Dragonball Z characters of sorts shooting kamehameha blasts at each other...(his idea)! I've had to choose my colors more carefully and focus on parts in the painting as opposed to an overall approach.

All in all, it's coming along well. I'll post pictures as soon as I can. Andrew seems very psyched on it which is encouraging since he didn't like the first edition. So luckily for me, the latest challenge has worked itself out to be quite a lesson for me. Just when you think you know what and who you are, something always comes along to throw a wrench in the machinery!

Self-Portrait as Artist series 2005

2006-01-11T14:08:00.000-05:00

From top to bottom
Self-Portrait
as Cindy Sherman

Self-Portrait
as Georgia O'Keeffe

Self-Portrait
as Frida Kahlo

Self-Portrait
as Ana Mendiata

Self-Portrait
as Yayoi Kusama

These gouache paintings were done in the Fall of 2005 while I was living in Firenze. They are a continuation of my self-portrait series which included me posed as specific male and female saints, and now these posed as women artists I admire. Ironically, with the exception of Georgia O'Keeffe, all the artists I chose work also within the self-portraiture medium as a way of closely connecting the inherent contradictions of personal perceptions with social and political ideology. I admire these artists in particular for their matter of fact manner of manifesting their life into their artwork.

Many might think of self-portraiture as a narcassistic cop-out in terms of subject matter, but for me it's a never-ending source of exploration. The process of painting for me is a means of understanding the unknown, the indescribable, a way for me to explain to myself those things which mentally or emotionally I can't articulate. By visualizing myself as someone else, I try on the person's qualities like a coat, seeing how it fits with my own being. It could be likened to the idea of playing dress up only through painting.

Self-Portrait 2005

2006-01-10T12:33:00.000-05:00